The Choice to Unfollow

I have been itching to write a post for the past few days, and just haven't been able to figure out what it is that I want to write.  I started one last night, and I just wasn't able to tie everything together.  I was feel discouraged, but then we went to church.  And I wanted to share what our sermon was about...

So last night was the last sermon in a series called Follow. It was all about when we are tempted to Unfollow Jesus.  In this life there are so many things that can happen that will give us the choice either to continue on the path that we have been walking or click the unfollow button and go another way.  I see it most prevalent in marriages today.  It seems like it's the norm to just click the "divorce" button the second a speed bump comes along.  One or both parties just doesn't have the drive to fight and make it work.  It's really sad to me, because on the other side of that speed bump (which could feel like a mountain when you are going through it) is renewal.  There is a fresh perspective, and you realize how worth it all was to fight through the storm.  We realize that our God is a God of second chances.  And just because we mess up in life, in our marriage... that does not mean that we won't get a do over.  My hubby and I are living proof of that, and maybe in posts to come I will share more. **Side note: I do realize that there are times when a marriage just won't work no matter how much you fight. **

But anyway, back to the sermon from last night...

Our pastor was talking about all the things that pop up in life that will tempt us to want to "unfollow" Jesus.  He gave few warning signs as examples... and I am sure there are more, but I will just give what he mentioned...

1. The Bible is boring.  
How many times have I cracked open the Bible only to feel like I am reading nothing.  In the past I haven't been able to make the Bible come alive to me.  It was so dry and, well... boring.  But in the past few years, I have been able to come to the Bible with refreshed eyes and a yearning to actually learn what the Bible says and truly understand it for myself.  It's a learning process, just like everything else in life.

2. Church is not a priority.
When my hubby and I were in the thick of a major storm, church just wasn't even on the radar.  We were too busy with everything else that we were dealing with.  We couldn't even muster up the energy to get presentable to go to church and be fed.  I am so glad that we snapped out of that.  I crave going to church, and having the fellowship of friends, and singing praises to my Jesus and just being thankful for his promises to me, and my family.

3. Communicating with God is non-existent.

4. A life even led to serious doubt.
I think that this one is the biggest "causer" of doubt and clicking the "unfollow" button.  You start to question God when really bad things happen.  You lose a cherished loved one, a spouse has an affair and you aren't sure how to overcome that, you lose a child, a best friend gets cancer... all of these and more would cause a lot of people to run.  I could never fathom running.  When major life events happen in my life I get mad, and I get mad at God. But you know what?  Just like I tell my kids "I can take it" when they are made at me... I believe that's what God says when we are mad at him.  He wraps his arms around us and tells us that He can take it.  I rely more on God when I am mad at Him than at any other time in my life.

5. It's inconvenient.
How can you fit God in your life when you are so busy?  I feel like in these days of technology... it's a lot easier to fit God in.  With iPhones and iPads everywhere we look, it's so easy to carry the entire Bible with us in our pocket without taking up anymore space.  It's so much easier to just pull out your phone, and read the Bible while you are waiting at an appointment or anytime.  I find that I am saying little prayers all day long.  Yes, sometimes He may seem inconvenient when you are going through something major, but that's when He is trying to teach you something.

6. Complacency or General Drift

When I find that I have the choice to either follow Jesus or unfollow Him, I never doubt my faith in Him.  I look back on my life and I see that even though the path is full of pot holes and healed scars I wouldn't be the person I am without Him.  Honestly, I am afraid of what life would be like without Him.  I realize that there are people that don't believe in God, and see that their life is "better" for it, and that is the choice they have made.  I am just saying that in MY life... I will always choose Jesus.  No matter what comes my way.

Our pastor went on to give a few things you'll learn about yourself when you choose to stick with Jesus...

1. You will develop unshakeable faith!.... (despite all the hard stuff)
James 1:2-4 says "My brothers and sisters, when you have many kind of troubles, you should be full of joy because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience.  Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do.  Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need."

2. You will build an extraordinary strength.
In the moments of pain and strife will you have the courage to step out in faith and trust in God?  To trust that he will meet you and give you the strength that you need to continue moving forward?  For me... that answer will forever and always be a resounding YES!

3. You will experience life.
John 10:10 "A thief comes to steal and kill and destroy, but I came to give life - life in all its fullness."

Even though we all face hard times we can't let that steal the promises that God has given to us.  He is the promise of life, and of hope. He IS the God of second chances.  I can only picture it like this... when my kids go through a tough time, or continually make the same bad choices over and over again...I will be there to guide them through that time, loving on them the best way that I know how. I won't ever tell them they are hopeless and I can't do anything more for them.  That's the same thing that God does for us. When we go through rocky times here God doesn't turn his back on us, he guides us the best way he knows how.  We feel the pain and strife so we can learn from it and be stronger because of it. 

So, what ways do you feel tempted to hit that "Unfollow" button?  

My Love

I am so amazed as to how much difference a week can make!  Let me explain... My hubby has been gone quite a lot this past year and it has been rough.  Lots of lonely nights at home, lots of tears shed, and a TON of anxiety.  Last week, that was the worst one of all. I don't know what came over me, but I was just in a really dark place.  Looking back on it, I shudder just thinking about how I was feeling and where I was at mentally and spiritually.  My hubby and I ended up having a terribly huge fight on Tuesday night.  I felt hopeless, and was just ready to throw in the towel to everything.  I couldn't even bear to take another step forward.  Friday... it couldn't come fast enough!  Let me tell you, it's really hard to resolve anything when you are in two separate states!  But the weekend was full of a lot of healing and reconciliation and I am so very thankful that we had the weekend to recover before he left again on Monday.

Now, this week on the other hand has been a complete 180.  As soon as my hubby left I felt the anxiety sky rocket and I immediately texted him and one of my best friends to pray for me.  That was the best decision I could've made.  This week, I am feeling confident and very much at peace with where we are in life.  It could partly be because I know right now my hubby will be home for a while after this trip is done... But more importantly it's because I changed my mindset, and I reached out to those I know would lift me up.  I looked to God for my strength, I dove into the Word, and I have tried being as encouraging and positive to my hubby as possible.

One verse that caught my attention was Romans 8:6, and it says "If people's thinking is controlled by the sinful self, there is death.  But if their thinking is controlled by the Spirit, there is life and peace."  Last week, I let my sinful self take control of my life and I seriously felt as if I was full of darkness.  It was scary and very lonely. But this week I am letting the Spirit control my thinking.  I am letting Him be in the drivers sear and I truly believe that He is the reason my week is going better.  The shouting that was happening in my ears last week, has been silenced this week!  What a blessing.

This week I decided that I was going to send my hubby little encouraging notes for him to open up each day of the week.  (I got the idea from The Time Warp Wife.)  I wanted him to know that even though he is not here with me physically he is still on my mind and I am praying for him continually.  I just want to pour positivity, love, support, scripture into him while he is gone.  It's hard enough being apart.. I don't need to make it harder by being negative and making things worse.  My hubby works hard for our little family, providing for us so I can stay home with our kids.  I get to raise them and teach them to be the best little people they can be!  So while he is away I want to be a blessing to him, and I want to reinforce to him that I love him with all that I am.  I need to go all out and pour love into him and let him know that I am here no matter what!

My goal is not to be the picture perfect Proverbs 31 wife.  Because let's be honest, that is impossible!  No one can be that!  But I want to start and to continue to strive to be as much of her as I can be.  I don't want to live in the darkness that my sinful self brings.  I want to live in the hope and the peace that only God can bring.  My goal... is to love on my hubby with all that I am.  So, I will end with my favorite part of Proverbs 31.

Proverbs 31:25-31
"She puts on strength and honor as if they were her clothes.  She can laugh at the days that are coming.  She speaks wisely.  She teaches faithfully.  She watches over family matters.  She is busy all the time. Her children stand up and call her blessed.  Her husband also rises up, and he praises her.  He says, 'Many women do noble things.  But you are better than all others.'"

A push in the right direction...

This week has been really rough for me.  It's the first of 3 weeks that my hubby will be gone.  I am happy that he will be coming home over the weekends before he heads out again, but it's still tough.  I tend to freak out over little things, and then the little things BLOW UP into huge things.  It's so annoying!  I just wish there was a way that I could just not over dramatize things.  So after a particularly rough conversation with the hubs on Monday... I opened up my Bible Study on Tuesday from Good Morning Girls and low and behold it was all about marriage.  And how to make it the best marriage it can be.  That always seems to happen to me.  I am having a particularly rough patch and the Lord just puts something in my path that is what I needed to hear at that exact moment.  A song, a sermon, kind words from a friend, a Bible Study....It's crazy!  But anyway...

Yesterday the study started out with the creation story, and how the Lord has said that everything he created was good.. but one thing was not good.  Having man be alone... that was not good in God's eyes.  So he created Eve.  He created her not to be taken advantage of, or for her to dominate her husband, but as a helper for him.  As a side kick.  I love this!  I tend to take charge a lot just because I want things done my way and in my time.  But that's not how God wants things.  He wants us to sit back and take things in and have things work in His timing.  I desperately need to step back and take in what my hubby says and what he wants at times.  Now I am not saying that I am going to be a doormat and have him be the sole decision maker, but I want us to walk side by side through this life making those decisions together.  I am going to let him lead more, but I will also help guide the way.  We will do it together because that's how it's supposed to be in a marriage!

This morning really spoke to me too.  I was just sitting there feeling totally defeated.  I felt like I was going crazy...tears flowing again.  My mind wouldn't shut off and I was snapping at the kids.  I hate when I take it out on them.  But I did.  Which reminds me I need to talk to them and ask for forgiveness because they really didn't deserve it.  I was just defeated... completely and totally depleted.  I opened up my Bible App to go to the reading plan for the GMG's study.  And one thing they mentioned and that really popped out to me was this: "All satan did was tell Eve lies and she became a believer of those lies." All he has to do is whisper in our ear... tell us lie after lie until we eventually believe it.  And then once we believe those lies we will go to those closest to us and make them believe the lies.  The master of manipulation at his best.  In marriage, manipulation should be thrown out the window.  We need to shower each other in love and build each other up... especially when we are at our weakest.   We need to be encouraging to our spouse not the opposite.

When doing the GMG studies they use a SOAP outline. (Scripture, Observation, Application, and Prayer).  I love it.  It really helps me to dive into the scripture and get the most out of it.  I wanted to share my prayer that I wrote out from today because I feel like satan is doing a number on a lot of people not just me, and everyone just believes it because he thrives in the chaos and the lies and it feels "normal".  So here's my prayer:

Lord, when my hubby is gone, satan is right there.  He is whispering in my ear.  SHOUTING in my ear and it is so, so hard to hear anything else.  Help me, Lord, to silence satan's voice and shake his hold on me so I can focus on what needs to be fixed... what is truth!  With satan yelling at me he is causing unneeded chaos and I am so very tired of the chaos that he brings.  Help me to tune him out so that the lies no longer hide the truth.  The truth that I love my hubby more than my desire to believe the lies. -Amen-

I just want to encourage all of us... if you feel like you are at the end of your rope and you are drowning from all the shouting that satan is doing... God is there with a life line.  He is holding out his hand, just waiting for you to turn away from the chaos.  God is so much bigger than anything we will ever face here on earth.  I know that sometimes that is hard to believe because we can only see what is right in front of us.  But we have to trust that God's got this.  I struggle with turning away from the chaos daily, but it is just something that I have to do.  Chaos is literally all around me, but I just have to stay on that path set out for me.  I have to do my best to tune out all the noise, and grab hold of Jesus and follow Him.

Intentionally Focused - The Mind

I mentioned before that I am doing the Intentionally Focused study from Good Morning Girls.  It has been really good, and pretty much right on for what I have been needing to hear.  I just finished up week 3 which was about the mind.  

The memory verse was Philippians 4:8 "...always think about what is true.  Think about what is noble, right, and pure.  Think about what is lovely and worthy of respect.  If anything is excellent or worthy of praise, think about those things."  (NIrV)

This really hit me today when I read it.  I love the question in the study that went along with this verse. It said, "Philippians 4:8 is a great filter system for our mind. (We use our mind to filter what our mouth says, but do we actually have a filter for our thoughts?  Not usually...) Each time a thought pops into our head, we can run it through the characteristics mentioned in this verse.  If it doesn't filter through one of these areas - it needs to leave our mind.  In which area of your thinking do your thoughts often get stuck?  Stop and pray, asking God for help to focus your mind on the things He calls us to." (I added the italics).

My mind constantly thinks about worries, about the what if's or why's.  My mind rarely thinks about what is true, what is praiseworthy, what is lovely.  I'd about 75% of the time I am thinking about all the opposite things.  Some days I just wish that I could flip a switch and all of the sudden just see everything clearer because it is absolutely exhausting.  I need to think of the promises that God has given to me. My thoughts tend to get stuck on the lies.  So, I need to start at the beginning.  "Always think about what is true..."  I need to breathe that verse into my life.  When I feel like there is something I am thinking about that may not pass, I need to throw it out.  But how do I do that?  I pray, I give it to God, and I pray some more.  I talk to my hubby, a trusted friend letting them know that I am struggling with untruths.  

I am challenging myself to focus on what is true.  If that means that I write Phil 4:8 and plaster it all over my house, then that is what i will do until it is written on my heart!  I need to start each day with the promise that the Lord won't leave me... cracking open my Bible (or Bible App - whichever is handy) and just soaking in what He has to tell me.  Starting the day off in truth is better than the latter...Feeling defeated before the day even begins.  I should really start my days like this...

 

And then once this prayer has been said... this is what I want...

I want to be feared by the things that are not from God.  I want them to know that I will no longer believe the lies that I am not good enough, or that I am failing at being a wife and mother, or that I should always question certain things that I know deep down are not true.  I need to recognize when I am not at peace that is when the devil is whispering in my ear trying to wreck my faith, my trust, my love.  I need my mind to be set on God and filled with peace.  It's all about control.  Who do I want at the drivers seat?  Do I want to be at the drivers seat and go in my own direction?  Do I want the devil at the drivers seat, showing me all the things that take me farther away from God?  Or do I want God to be in the drivers seat?  I will pick God.  He is the only one who can truly give me the joy and peace that my mind craves.

So, where is it that your mind gets stuck?  Is it believing the lies that are whispered everywhere?  It is hard to think about the blessings of life?  It is hard to think about things that are worthy of respect?  Whatever it is that causes you to be stuck, I challenge you to put a game plan together and put it into action.  It's time to overcome what leaves us feeling stuck and hopeless and cling to who gives us hope and peace.

 

 

Breathing in His Promises...

I think in today's day and age it is so easy for us to rush, rush, rush without a second thought about it.  We feel like we have these unattainable lists that need to get checked off and the faster that we can get through it the faster we'll be done.  But in reality that is a lie, because as soon as we check one thing off five more things are added to the bottom of the list!  God does not want us to be rushing through this life.  When we rush, we miss out on so much.  We miss out on the promises that He has for us, we miss out on our family, our kids, our LIFE!  It's time to stop and breathe in His promises.

This morning I was "mommy monster" as I was trying to get things ready for breakfast, and didn't want anyone getting in my way.  My daughter wanted me to make French Toast Muffins, my son didn't want those (even though he loves them)... and I was getting really frustrated.  I have a headache from kids being awake last night and just not sleeping well in general.  So instead of breathing Him in to calm me down I just went straight to "mommy monster".  I quickly realized this is NOT how I wanted my day to go so after the muffins were in the oven, I took my cup of coffee and went straight to the rocking chair in the living room to start my day over.  I started over with God.  I breathed Him in.  My attitude changed, and was calm and refocused.

Proverbs 3:5, 6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart.  Do not depend on your own understanding.  In all your ways remember him.  Then he will make your paths smooth and straight."

We are not meant to face this life alone. We are not meant to live according to our check lists.  We are supposed to go through life trusting that God has our back.  Trusting that He is in the drivers seat.  Granted, not everything is smooth and straight every moment of every day...it's ok when there are days that our check list collect dust.  Knowing that I have God in my corner is enough to let me ride out the bumps, and tackle that list another time.  Once we have tasted the goodness of God, how can we leave that?  His promises and grace are more that I can fathom, and I would be terrified to live a life without holding Him near.  

Yes, storms will rise. The path won't always be peachy keen, but God has us through it all.  We just need to lean into him and find our rest.  The Lord rejoices when we rejoice and weeps when we weep.  But through it all, He's got you.  

Breathe Him in daily.

A whisper or a yell...

There are so many times that we wonder... is this where the Lord wants me to go?  I wish that he would just send me a sign, yell in my face, do SOMETHING... Most of the time it's a gentle prompting, and quiet whisper to your soul, not loud and in your face.  I tend to feel those gentle promptings and then ignore them because they make me uncomfortable or I just don't want to think of what would happen if I followed through on that prompting.  And then usually if it's something that the Lord really wants me to do... it gets louder and louder and louder until He is yelling in my face.

I had one of these experiences this weekend at church.  We were sitting in "big church" getting ready to listen to the sermon.  And the first quote the pastor say was "You have no idea what hangs in the balance with a simple decision."  Hmm.. And then a little later he says, "A simple step can have a profound ripple effect."  A little more "hmm's" and shifting in our seats.  And the crowning achievement, I was eating a dove chocolate candy and the quote on the wrapper was "Big risks, Big rewards"!  Seriously?!  What is going on?  What is the Lord preparing me for?  A big decision obviously... I guess it's my time to take that first step of faith and see what it's all about...

I love the quote above "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."  When do we ever see the whole staircase?  Like NEVER! We are always taking steps of faith.  When you get married...you are taking a step of faith that this is the right person, when you have kids, when you moves jobs or states... everything is a step of faith.  There are unknowns all around, but the only solid constant is the staircase... God.  He is the only constant in our lives.  The one person that will be there to help pick up the pieces of a storm or rejoice with us in the good times.

So what is it that God is calling you to?  Do you have a staircase that you have been standing at the bottom of just too afraid to take that first step?  I encourage you to take the risk and see the reward that comes from it!  You won't be disappointed.

Dear Younger Me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=An-Im0LL0XU

How many times to you just wish you could go back in time to talk to your younger self. Give yourself some advice... you know how to get over some of the bumps and rocky times. Allow yourself to make some wiser choices. I think about that often. But then I realize that if I do that I wouldn't be who I am supposed to be today. Regardless, I really enjoy this song....

I also highly recommend their CD...
http://www.amazon.com/Welcome-To-The-New-MercyMe/dp/B00IJBAYD0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1398955848&sr=8-1&keywords=mercy+me+welcome+to+the+new

The Storms of Life

I find that my writing changes according to the circumstances that I am facing.  So, that it why I seem all over the place.  I don't have a certain "theme day" for each day of the week. I look at other blogs and see how nicely organized they are and wish that I could do that.  But I just write in order to function...to see the promises...to see the possibilities.  So one day it may be about the crazy things that my children have done, a favorite recipe, or all the blessings that I feel from the Lord.. and then the next day it's about the struggles that I face, and wondering where God is in all of this.  But that's just who I am... it's the all or nothing, take it or leave it principle I suppose.  

Yesterday was a particularly tough day.  Stress from certain unexpected circumstances from earlier in the week have been piling up and it was just weighing me down. I didn't want to do anything.  I didn't want to focus on anything.  I found that I had my nose in my Bible a lot more... just grabbing for anything I could that would keep me afloat.  I love that I have the YouVersion app of the Bible on my phone.  It's easy to browse through their reading plans and find something that fits what you need. I found one titled "Decisions"... it's perfect.  I also went onto Pinterest for a while when the kids were resting and just pinned about 25 quotes about Faith.  It was honestly what I needed.  I needed to soak in the promises that my Savior has for me.  I needed my perspective on my situation to change.  I needed the Lord to fight my battle for me that I was losing, and at a quick and frightening pace.  I then came across this poster that was the life saver I needed (along with a bunch more)...

 

The Lord promises to not give us more than we can handle. We may feel like we are carrying the load of the the world on our shoulders and if one more thing was added to the pile we would snap.  But this is the confirmation that I needed to know that no matter what... I will bend with the weight, but I will NEVER break.  I may end up at the bottom, but the Lord will reach his hand down for me to grab a hold of and will pull me out of the rubble so I can see his path once again.  I just need to brush off the dust and keep moving forward, TRUSTING that He has it all under control. And that He has a plan, and that it's an even better plan that I could've ever imagined.

I went to bed last night absolutely defeated from the day, the week... I woke up this morning feeling refreshed, and I think this is the reason why...

The storm may still be raging, but He calmed me.  And I love that.

 

Trust

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not depend on your own understanding.  In all your ways remember him.  Then he will make your paths smooth and straight."

Trust is something that I struggle with.  I have a hard time letting all of myself go to another person.  If I let myself go 100% I will more than likely get hurt.  So I build walls up to protect my heart.  Iron clad walls, that you need a key to get through.  And if you don't have that key or you lose it... it's really tough to get through again. 

I build the walls, and when I read this verse last night I realized that I am also building those walls against God.  I cannot do that!  He is the only one who knows my heart inside and out.  He knows my deepest, darkest fears.  He knows.  So why can't I just trust him with the unknown, with the scary, with the simple, with the complicated?  He has never failed me.  Even at my lowest of lows when I had no idea where to turn... All I had to do what look up.  I ran to him.  He picked me up from the heap that I found myself in.  So why do I still struggle with trusting his plan for my life?

I struggle because I try to do it all on my own.  My walls, although my protection, are also my demise.  I struggle because I need the control.  I am in the passenger seat but I jerk the wheel when I feel uncertainty.  If I give up control... how do I know where I will end up?  That thought alone terrifies me.  I am a planner and when I see that things are not going in the direction that I planned they go... then I get scared.  This is something that I have been trying to work on, but it doesn't seem to be working very well!

This morning I read a couple verses that I will hold in my heart...

Philippians 4:6-7  "Do not worry about anything.  Instead, tell God about everything.  Ask and pray.  Give thanks to him.  Then God's peace will watch over your hearts and your minds because you belong to Christ Jesus.  God's peace can never be completely understood."

Philippians 2:3 "God is working in you.  He want your plans and your acts to be in keeping with his good purpose."

Proverbs 16:9 "People may make plans in their minds, but the Lord decides what they will do."

Proverbs 29:25 "If you are afraid of people, it will trap you.  But if you trust in the Lord, he will keep you safe."

"Intentionally Focused"

I am doing the Good Morning Girls study "Intentionally Focused" with my Bible Study ladies!  I have only completed the first week of it, but it is honestly everything I have need to hear!  My life at times gets so focused on all the unnecessary things... you know Facebook, pinterest, making cleaning a priority over spending time with my kiddos, just putting the TV on because it's convenient... And I miss out on so much because I am not intentionally focused on what is important.  I can make up tons of excuses as to why I do what I do, but none of it really matters, because that's what they are... excuses.  Excuses to check out when life gets to be just too much to handle.  So with this Bible Study I am really wanting things to change... I am all talk a lot of the time and lack the follow through.  But I know that I can do this!

So the goals that I have decided on after this first week are...

1. Realize that the time I do have with my kids is short.  This life we live is short.  It is but a breath in the eyes of the Lord and that is something we so easily take for granted.  We live in what we can see and feel, and forget that we are living for something bigger and better.  I need to live in the moment and breathe it in because it will be gone before I know it!

2. I need to not spend so much time with the unimportant.  This goes along with number one.  But I get really stressed when things are not in order. When things are not in order I end up focusing on that instead of what my kids are doing or saying to me.  I feel as I am writing this that I am the worst mom ever!  But I know I am not alone.  We all get lost in the unimportant and we have to realize when we are and switch that up.  There needs to be a slotted time for me to focus on the unimportant, and it shouldn't be when my kids need me.

3. I have deleted all the apps on my phone that take my attention away from my kids and husband.  My phone does not rule my life, and I need to realize that.

4. Hebrew 12:2 "Let us look only to Jesus, the One who began our faith and who makes it perfect..." I am going to focus fully on the Lord when I am overwhelmed.  I am going to turn to the Word to give me peace instead of turning to anything else that give me a false hope or a false sense of peace.  The main one being food. When I am feeling like I can't take another step forward I need to rest in the promise that God will pull me along when I no longer have the strength.

5. I need to go back to giving thanks in everything.  I highly recommend One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp to start your journey in recording your blessing in each day.  By giving thanks and writing it down it will help to change your perspective on life and will help you to live a happier and healthier life.

6. Finally, I need to realize that God is not done with me.  He will never be done with me.  He will always be tweaking me into who He wants me to be. Philippians 3:12 "I do not mean that I am already as God wants me to be.  I have not yet reached that goal, but I continue trying to reach it and to make it mine. Christ wants me to do that, which is the reason he made me his." (NCV) I need to stay focused on that fact. God made me in his image and I need to continue to strive for that.

I trust fully that the Lord will give me the strength to do all of this.  And I am looking forward to this journey of learning how to be Intentionally Focused on him and all that matters.

So, what are some things that you need to change in order to be Intentionally Focused on the race the Lord has set before us?

Homeschool-itis....

Is there such a thing as "Homeschool-itis"?  It's kind of like senior-itis, but for homeschoolers!  The weather is nice (well... it's supposed to be), we are bored of doing the same curriculum everyday, and are ready for summer to come and play outside, go to the beach, go swimming in the backyard, have fun at the park, go to the zoo, picnic, go camping, etc... The summer fun list seems endless!

I have to be honest this year, probably due to the super cold winter, our homeschool-itis is at an all time high!  I am having the hardest time getting back into the swing of things!  My punky wants nothing to do with school, it's like pulling teeth (literally for her) to get her to do anything!  And once we decide to do something it takes about 10 minutes too long because we are both being pokey and just don't want to do anymore work!  Anyone else feel the same way that I do?

So a couple weeks ago I started something new that has helped!  You know those packs of paper lists that you can hang on your fridge? I started to actually USE those!  They are now my kids check-lists!  It is the perfect size for what they need to get done for the day!  So in the morning I just write out what they MUST get done today and then at the very end, I ask "All finished?" And if they are then they get 20 minutes of screen time... iPhone, iPad, computer...supervised of course and with a timer going!  But for my kids who ask constantly to play on any of those things, I figured this was a great compromise!  Finish what is expected and then you will get rewarded.  And every year more things will be added to their responsibilities.  But for now I am just hoping this will help get us through the rest of the school year!

I've also noticed with "homeschool-itis"... complaining, arguing, and just poor attitudes are never far behind.  My hubby and I have instilled the Consequences Chart again and I have faithfully kept up with it. Our Consequences Chart is something that my hubby and I did earlier and then stopped.  So we ended up having a family meeting and getting the kids input on it.  The kids decided that we would give a warning, 1 reminder, and then if we had to ask a third time for them to do whatever it was then they would have to move their magent to whatever consequence was next.  We have about 7 color coded consequences on the chart... we start with a time out and get "worse" as they move down the chart.  The first few days that we implemented this, the kiddos had a tough time, but now they know that if we ask them to move a magnet that they made a poor choice, and they immediately regret their decision.  Now, I must say that not everything get the grace before magnet moving.  Things like physically hurting someone else is an immediate consequence.  I'm hoping that the longer we are able to do this the kids attitudes and behaviors will improve.

So, What are some ideas that you have that help get through "homeschool-itis" and the attitudes that the kids show?  I'm always looking for different ways of doing things!

Clean Eating Favorites

I know that I mentioned that I was a part of a clean eating challenge.  It was so much fun, and a huge eye opener for me.  I came away seeing how horribly I had been eating and really poisoning my body with all the processed, sugary foods.  One of the biggest changes that I made was how I drink my coffee.  I was going from about 2-3 cups a day (!) to half a cup in the morning.  I no longer use creamer (which is HUGE). I now put in a little agave raw syrup and some cinnamon and I'm good to go!  But not only that I found some new recipes that I really enjoy as do my kids!  So I thought that I would share some of them with you!

Honey Mustard Chicken (Seves 4)

4 chicken breasts

8T dijon mustard

2T honey

4t parsley (or to taste)

Mix all the ingredients together and cover the chicken.  We usually grill it or you can bake it at 350 for about 30 minutes.  Serve with brown rice, and a nice mixed green salad.  

 

Teriyaki Salmon (serves 2)

8 oz salmon filet

3T teriyaki sauce (i used Soyaki from Trader Joe's - then marinate overnight)

 

 

 

Forever

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nm7zcgcUoyg

Easter is right around the corner now. Tomorrow is Good Friday and this year more than ever I am wanting my kids to realize the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. He came to this earth to live, to love, and to die... all for me... all for them... all for everyone who has ever lived and will live! It's almost impossible to wrap my mind around that God loves me so much that He would send His Son to die for me, a sinner. A person that is so unworthy of His grace and forgiveness. Jesus loved ME so much that he gave up his life for me. I would do anything for my kids and Jesus loves me even more. He took my sin with Him to the cross and held it there for me, for my kids. I need to give my kids that kind of grace for all the mistakes they make. They are imperfect beings and I tend to forget that more often than not. I have such high expectations for what I want them to strive for and when they don't meet those I get discouraged and criticize them. I have been reminded lately about how many times I mess up... and with things that you think I should learn from. But instead of being criticized for messing up YET AGAIN, my God gives me a "do over". I want my kids to see that from me. I am giving them a "do over" because daily God gives me a "do over". I am so far from who I am supposed to be but I will strive to be that person every day. I will strive to teach my children how to become that person that Jesus wants them to be. He made the ultimate sacrifice of love, and I want them to live in that truth every day!

Kari Jobe is one of my ultimate favorite singer/songwriters. She just came out with a new CD and has a song titled "Forever" on it. It gives me chills when I listen to it, and reminds me of what Jesus did for me. I hope you enjoy the song as much as I do.

I'm Back!

It's been a long time since I've written anything.  We have been so busy here, and I just haven't had the inspiration to write. But I am feeling better and thought I'd just write about what has been going on here these past few weeks!

For starters, my girls and I chopped our hair!  We ended up donating 30 inches of hair to locks of love!  It was so fun doing it with my girls.  (We still have to mail out our hair, but here are some before and after pics of us!)

Sweet Stuff before and after...

My Punky before and after...Myself before and after...

Let's see what else have we been up to?  My hubby and I did a clean eating challenge with some friends.  I was kind of skeptical about it.. like how much could I really lose with this challenge.  Since I'm being honest I will post my pics.  Here are the results.. I was amazed as to the difference in just 5 days of doing clean eating and p90x!

    It's always nice to see RESULTS! :)

The kiddos got another piece to their clubhouse in the back yard thanks to Grandma and Grandpa S!   This is not the final resting place for the swings, but the other swing set is still frozen in the ground from this horrible winter!  So as soon as we get it out this one will be over by the clubhouse!

A visit to the Children's Museum!

 Playing with some water!Riding the dinosaurs and digging for fossils

 Chalkboard fun, playing with bubbles!

 A bus driver, and a very tired Mr. Mailman!

It has been a fun, busy past few weeks!  But this mama is looking forward to some routine again :)

 

Believing The Lies

It's always a scary place to be. Believing the lies that are whispered to you day in and day out. Most days I am able to look past them and be who I need to be... A wife, a mom, a teacher. But some days it's just really, really hard. Today, this week honestly, has been really tough. There are so many tiny cracks that Satan can get in... And once he finds that one crack where the glue is peeling off he will rip it off and make everything crumble. Tonight I feel like I am at the bottom of the rubble and I don't really know how to dig my way out. So, why not do what helps the most... Write it out.

Let's see where to start...

I have been struggling more with keeping up with the housework. It's so tedious doing the laundry, emptying and refilling the dishwasher, clean up the toys and books that are spread all over the house, sweep the kitchen floor... I have the kids help where they are able and most of the time they do a great job, but I just can't keep up some days. The laundry gets piled way high, and so we run out of towels or underwear. I forget to run the dishwasher at night so we are out of spoons in the morning. I look at the kitchen floor and try to remember when I swept it last...I start believing the lies that I can't do this and that I am not a good homemaker because I can't keep the house clean or keep up with the laundry.

I have been feeling particularly down on myself as a parent lately. It's tough being at home all day with the kids sometimes. They become immune to your voice and what you have to say. It becomes a daily battle to just get them to brush their teeth. I know that I tend to be more of a push over with the kids... Just giving in when we are getting nowhere or going off the handle when I can't take another minute of the fighting over a toy or the bedtime routine... I begin to believe the lies that I am not cut out to be a mom to these 3 amazing kids! That I'm not equipped to teach them what they need to know academically and spiritually. I know it's not true, but I can't help but feel like I am failing them daily. I hate seeing them mad at me. I hate disappointing them.

My hubby is gone and so this week we have been doing a sleepover with mommy every night. And I told the kids that I wanted them to lay in bed so it wasn't a battle tonight (because since they are excited to sleep in mommy and daddy's room they get out of bed a lot and squirrel around). But today has been a particularly rough day mentally and I just wanted them to go to bed nicely. **side note: I read "Have A New Kid By Friday" and decided it was time to try out what I've read...which just happens to be what my hubby has been telling me for a while. But since I READit... It's different ;-)** so, Mr.Man wasn't lying down and was being very goofy. I told him I was going to sing and if he wasn't lying down by the time I was finished then he would be In His room alone. Well, he wasn't... To his credit he tried but he was just too squirrelly... So usually I would just be like whatever you can still sleep here... But I followed through on what I said. He was so mad but I stayed calm and he screamed. I laid him in his bed and he screamed. I kissed him and said "I love you" and he screamed. He is sleeping soundly in his bed and tomorrow is a new day. I went back into my room and the girls gave me a look like what just happened. And I told them if they were squirrelly and got out of bed they would be sleeping in their own rooms tonight... They went to sleep promptly. So that was a parenting win, I think... I just pray I can keep it up :)

But the thing I struggle with the most, which I think makes everything else crumble and where Satan does all his work, is the reflection of myself that I see. I know I have talked about this before, but it's just really hard. It's so hard when you have a distorted view of yourself. I see the flaws instead of the beauty. I find that when I am feeling more insecure with myself everything else suffers. The strength that I have to get through starts to weaken and I forget to grab onto The One who gives me strength... I grab onto the lies instead and create a path of destruction. The distortion I have effects my relationship with my hubby because I feel unattractive... It effects my kids because I don't feel worthy enough... If effects my home because I already feel like I am failing everywhere else. It's just hard to move forward when you keep looking behind you and seeing where you've fallen short.

So how do you get out from under the rubble of destruction and start moving forward? How do you change the way you have seen yourself forever.... From a negative light and into a positive one? I'm sorry this feels so negative... I just needed to get it out... To start processessing... Tomorrow is a new day :)

The Busy Signal

So, I have been wanting to write this all week and just haven't been able to sit and do it!  Such a dilemma when one of your passions is writing!

On Monday, starting at 8am, I was on the phone calling and recalling a local camp ground to make reservations for a weekend trip for us and another family.  We went camping together last year and had a blast!

 Roasting marshmallows, cooking hotdogs, playing baseball, swimming, CAMPFIRES!  Ah, camping.. I love it!  It's such a nice way to get away, unplug from the world, and not have to spend a ton of money in order to have family fun!  

OK, back to "the busy signal", I would love to see my phone bill from Monday alone and see how many times I called the camp ground before finally getting a ring tone!  While I was in the middle of the "busy signal" (About an hour and a half) I found myself getting more and more frustrated.  Every time I called and heard the sound I just wanted to throw the phone!!  I just wanted to give up and not call back because I knew, more than likely, I would hear that annoying sound again!  I spent 2 hours of my life persistently calling ONE number... hoping and praying that I would get through.  And then once I finally did get through would they have space for 2 families to camp next to each other.  And it's not like we were trying to just get a tent campsite.. we were fighting to get 2 of 5 camper cabins.  So the longer that I waited with this busy signal I felt our chances dwindle.  I am happy to report that we did get two cabins next to each other... but not until the first weekend in September!

I tell you all of this because I had a thought occur to me while waiting.  How many times are WE that busy signal?  We can be a busy signal to our kids that just want our attention.  They want to show us a picture they drew, play a game, read a book... But instead we say "Hang on one second honey, I just want to pay this bill, write this email, check Facebook (I am ashamed that I have done this), or get this stuff organized for school tomorrow... (All of which I can do once they are in bed for the night)  Or, how many times do we feel that knock on our heart from God saying.. "Hey, I miss you!  Come back and talk with me... Spend time with me by reading my Word... Pray with me and tell me your struggles and triumphs..." And we come back saying "Yes, Lord I will.  Just give me a minute to finish.... **insert excuse**"  And then a minute passes, an hour, a day, week, month.. and we still haven't gone to Him.  I find myself longing for the day before technology overwhelmed every aspect of our life.  It was so much easier.  We didn't feel the temptation to sit and just stare at a machine for 5 minutes (but in reality is actually 45 minutes).  We gave our attention to the things that mattered!  We gave it to our family, to our friends, to spending all day outside, to our imaginations taking us on adventures, to reading or writing, and to spending time with Jesus.

I challenge myself to stop being the busy signal so often!  I challenged myself last week to embrace the chaos of everyday life and I feel like I did, but could always improve.  Here are some pics of me enjoying life and not being the busy signal...

 Here is my Mr. Man helping me make tacos.  Great helper, but what you don't see is he missed the pan and the taco seasoning went all over the stove... embrace the chaos! (And just for the record... the taco seasoning is still all over the stove... I just haven't cleaned it up!  I'm horrible)

 Here is my willow tree angels arm that broke off and while I was going to find something to clean up the taco mess (Which didn't get cleaned because I got side tracked from the Mr.) Mr. Man decided to stick the lantern into the butter... Embrace the chaos...?

 And here is the perpetual state of my basement.  I ask the kids to help clean and they say... "What should I clean?" Well let's just start with what we see shall we?  Embrace the chaos!  Or else the chaos will embrace you and you will want to be a "busy signal" :)

Waving The White Flag

These past few weeks have been super challenging for me.  Parenting is SO HARD.  We have had lots of breakdowns from being trapped inside because of this cold weather and everyone is just ready for a change.  I broke down this morning crying and the kids get so worried "Mommy, why are you crying?  Are you OK?"  I always reassure them that yes mommy is fine.. sometimes mommy's just cry.  Then I get big hugs and lots of "I love you's" and pictures that they drew out of love.  Makes me feel better instantly!  With the hubby working 12-9's and then being out of town makes things tough at home. Now I'm not saying I want my hubby to stop his job because he truly loves it and is very happy and I couldn't ask for anything more... just to clarify :)  I just feel like I have to take on the whole world so it will keep on spinning.  I want to fix everything...or maybe I should say control everything. I want to make sure everything is order by attempting to do the laundry (which is never done by the way), that the basement, living room, and kitchen are all free of clutter, the finances are still in working or not working order (even though I've checked it about 50 times and always come up with the same result), that the kids school gets done everyday, and doing whatever else comes up.  It is exhausting and I'm tired of living in anxiety.  So I am waving the white flag and am going to focus on the good, the fun that happened these past few weeks :)

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="390"] My Punky going down the hill as a penguin
My Mr. Man saying "don't worry we can handle it" as he goes out with his little shovel to help shovel us out of the driveway. Never mind the huge mound he's standing on... we'll just start in the middle ;)
My two SUPERmen.  They are always making me smile :)[/caption]

My sweet stuff going through the "lasers" in the hallway, and giggling the whole time! 

 

My girls teaching a friend how to play Sequence for Kids

It's the little things in life that you need to smile about and be proud about.  Otherwise your days just blend together into this never ending string of blah.  So my goal for the rest of this week is to find joy and beauty in the little things instead of feeling overwhelmed by the chaos.  I will take pictures and then I will write about it... along with whatever else God lays on my heart to write about.  I really, truly love the life that God has me walking through.  I take it for granted too much... so I'm waving the white flag and am going to enjoy and embrace the chaos instead of fight it.

 

 

 

A right start

I find that when I start my day with a good strong cup of coffee, a nice warm shower, and being able to have a few minutes to myself to read The Word the rest of my day goes so much smoother, and I go to bed feeling content with the day. I feel more patient and able to handle the chaos that will more than likely ensue in the hours to come. Now, on the flip side... When I start my day off with a nice strong cup of coffee and a hot shower and that's it I feel more out of control and unwilling to deal with anything that comes my way. And I go to bed feeling defeated and frustrated with the day. I have the "mom guilt"... I could've done so much better!

I was reading in Mark... even Jesus needed to get away. My side notes say:

"No one would have thought any less of Jesus if he had just slept in the next morning, but instead we find him up early, meeting his Father in prayer. Jesus prays in the morning while his spirit is still fresh from sleep and unencumbered with the cares of his day. While others snore, his soul soars in communication with God. Jesus shows us the importance of giving our first and our best to God. Jesus prays alone, in a quiet and 'solitary' place (Mark 1:35). He knows the importance of limiting distractions in order to spend time with his Father." -- The Women of Faith Study Bible--

Jesus needed to recenter himself by being alone with his Father. Why are there days that I think I don't need to be re-centered? Why do I feel like I can do it all on my own? Jesus needs to be my focus at the start of every single day. I can only live for Him when I am focused on him! My kids can then see that I am devoted to my Father above... Seeking him before anything else. Once I have started my day with my Father I then need to teach my kids to start their day the same way. One of the biggest reasons that we wanted to homeschool was to teach our children about the love of God and about who He is. As their mom and teacher I need to be more proactive about that. I need to be able to understand the Word so I can correctly teach, speak the Word into my kids. I need them to see that my Jesus is more than just a passing thought. He is my life. Now I know that I will not know everything exactly as I should, but Jesus has called us to something higher than just getting through the daily check list of school work and household chores... He wants us to live our lives for him and learn about who He is and who He wants us to be! When we are intentional with him and doing His will... He will pour out blessings on us. I want my kids to see and feel that!

At the end of the day all I really want to hear is "You are my Son, daughter, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." (Mark 1:11 - italics are my adding) I just want to go to bed at the end of the day feeling like I did everything to the best of my ability instead of going to bed feeling guilty and defeated.

Cleanliness

I ended up getting a horrible head cold over the weekend and have been trying to function this whole week.  The weather has been super nice so I sent the kids outside to play in the snow and make the most of it before this big storm comes through!  As I was driving my kids home from Awana last night a thought hit me...

When you are sick there really isn't much that you want to do.  All I really wanna do is sit on the couch and sleep and not move.  Which is impossible as I have 3 little ones depending on me.  So I just shuffle through the day... attempting to find food for the kids to eat, trying to get school done, and putting absolutely no effort into the laundry mountain!  Yesterday I was starting to feel a little bit better and looked at the state of my house and was in shock.  My house was a disaster.  Dishes were all over the kitchen, the kids area downstairs had like 5 spots where I could actually see the carpet, the living room had puzzles thrown all over the floor, the laundry mountain was taller than me, and my sons room had all the books from his book shelf thrown everywhere.  It's so crazy how just 2 or 3 days of living in a fog can make your home a disaster! (So today will be clean up day, since we aren't gonna go anywhere with this snow storm coming through!)

Anyway, back to my thought... after thinking about the state of my house I was thinking about how that applies to our spiritual lives too.  It's so easy for us to sometimes just give up and live the way the world thinks is best.  It's easy, it's convenient, and we are surrounded by it.  The scales grow thicker and thicker the longer we lay complacent in our everyday life.  We say "well this is just how it is now" or "everyone else is doing it and they seem to be getting along just fine"  And then before we know it we are living a life that we don't even recognize.  I was living that about 3 or 4 years ago.  I was buried in diapers, spit up, and a growing bitterness and I was just trying to make it on my own.  The scales that were built up on my eyes were so thick no wonder I couldn't see straight. It wasn't until about 3 month ago that the final scale was lifted from my eyes and I saw that I had been living in pure chaos.  Not the way that God wanted me to live.  Yes, He wants me to live in the here and now, but thats's so I can raise my kids (His kids) in a Godly house... in a home where they know they are safe and loved and forgiven no matter what!  Not in a place where we conform to make life easier and snap at a mistake or spilled milk.  No one said that loving our Father above was going to make life easy...just like no one said that being a parent would be easy. He brings storms to our life to make us stronger, not weaker.  He brings the storms to our life to snap us out of the disaster and to cleanse our souls from the muck and mire of life.

It's so easy to blame God for the mess that our lives are in. "If God is a loving God why would he bring me to xyz...??"  God brings us to "XYZ" to test us.  We don't learn anything if we aren't tested.  We have choices... we can choose the path to follow God through the storm or we can choose to go off course.  If we chose the path that took us off course God never left us, He didn't turn his back to us and say "Good luck with that!" He went down that path with us, trying to grab us and show us that there was a better way.  No matter the choices we made God has always and will always be there.  God finally got a hold of me, and for that I am truly grateful.  He is showing me that living in Him, trusting in Him, having faith in Him is so much better than me trying to wade through the muck that I had been living in.  I can breathe and enjoy life and not feel bogged down.

It will be a constant fight to stay on the path that God has for me because I know how easy it is to slip off track.  But this is a battle that I am willing to fight everyday of my life!  Now, if I could only put that towards cleaning my house.... ;-)

A Letter to my Hubby

It's Valentine's Day! So I have permission to be a little bit mushy today ;-)

Did you know, my love, that I have loved you for approximately 4,464 days?

That is equal to exactly 12 years, 2 months, and 20 days!

4,464 days is equal to 637 weeks and 5 days.

The total time span from 11-25-2001 to today is 101,136 hours.

That is equivalent to 6,428,160 minutes.

4.464 days is equal to 385, 689, 600 seconds.

That's a lot of time! I am looking forward to doubling, tripling that time with you! Thank you for fighting, and loving, and all that's is in between with me. I am sure there will be more adventure to come!

I love you :)

A Worshipful Heart

Ever have a song that you find and then it's on repeat like literally all day long?  That seems to happen to me a lot.  Thankfully my kids love music just about as much as I do and they are very forgiving when we listen to the same song over and over and over again :)

God made us to love everything that he created us to be.  Whether it is loving nature, loving books, loving music... I feel as followers of Christ we need to use those passions to bring ourselves closer to Him and to help lead others to know how precious He is.  Music is and always has been my biggest passion.  I joke with my hubby that I was a singer in another life ;) Music has always healed my soul.  You could always tell what mood I was in by what music I listened to.  Now what constantly plays around my house is praise music... Hillsong United, Kari Jobe, David Crowder, Christy Nockles, Big Daddy Weave... Oh the list goes on and on!  One song in particular that has been speaking to my soul is Be Still My Soul (In You I Rest) by Kari Jobe.  I'm really not sure how many times I have listened to it recently, but I'm sure it's a crazy number! 

I have always treasured this song.  "Be still, my soul, the Lord is on thy side..."  God is on my side.  God is with me on the rocky path and the calm waters.  He is with me when I feel like I am drowning in anxiety or the unknowns.  He is with me when I am feeling like I can conquer the world.  I drink him in and my soul is still.  My soul is at rest.  My soul is at peace.  I love the words of the chorus "In you I rest, in You I found my hope  In you I trust, You never let me go  I place my life within your hands alone  Be still, my soul"

I posted a link to the video below.  I wanted to put the actual video on my blog but I'm still learning how to use wordpress. :) I apologize for any commercial that comes on before her video.  But I hope this song leaves you with a peace and a growing love for our Heavenly Father that only He can give to us!

Be Still My Soul - Kari Jobe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mq59iE3MhXM

 

Homeschool Journey

If you were to ask me when my hubby and I first got married where we would be 8 years into our marriage... I doubt my answer would be that I was homeschooling 3 kids and my hubby worked and traveled for his job. The answer may have looked more like I would be a preschool or kindergarten teacher somewhere while my hubby was either a pastor, youth pastor, or in the camp ministry. I was bound and determined to not be a homeschooler. My kids would do just fine in public school. But as life moved, our hearts started to change. The Lord started to work. He would introduce us to other homeschooling families. Some of our closest friends would also decide to homeschool their kids. We were invited to join a co-op with a waiting list that is super long. Everything just fell into place. God was directing our journey and we were following His lead. I am able to USE my degree from college. Granted I am not standing in a classroom teaching 30 kids, but I am teaching 3 of the most important kids in my life. I am able to teach them skills that they wouldn't learn if they were in school all day long.

Looking at where we are right now I honestly, 100% cannot imagine doing anything else. My oldest is in 1st grade, my 2nd is in kindergarten, and my 3rd is on and off doing preschool. He would much rather bug his sisters while they do school or run around the house with his trucks or as Superman. All of which are fine as long as everyone stays safe, healthy, and happy and not get a super bloody nose because they tripped over a toy and hit their nose on the steps...;-) My hubby and I love watching the kids learn and grow and see their individual personalities emerge. I can't imagine my first in school as she needs to move and be vocal while she is learning. She likes to have noise going when she is doing school. My second needs a lot more one on one interaction with her school work. She likes to know that I am right there to answer questions anytime she has one or to just cuddle with while she is reading a new book. My boy...we haven't figured him out yet. And that is fine he is only 4! It's more important right now for him to play and imagine and be a boy. It's so important for all my kids to do that. Their purpose is to not sit in a desk and learn to perform. Their purpose is learn, to grow, to use their creativity and imaginations, to laugh, to be OK not always getting it right the first time, to love their Heavenly Father with a passion that only comes from Him. ( and I'm not saying they can't do any of that in a public school, but this is how it works for our family).

My challenge with homeschooling is to continually seek the Lord's wisdom and then to be obedient in leading my kids through that plan. My kids are going through a series at church about generosity and how we can help others in need. So this past weekend they were each given a piggy bank to raise money to help others. They have all been helping more around the house to earn that money. My oldest just lost her 7th tooth and she said she is going to take all of her tooth fairy money and put it in her piggy bank for church. Warms my heart to see that she wants to give that money away instead of keeping it all to herself. Makes my hubby and I feel like we are doing something right, and they are being obedient to what God wants for their lives.

Jeremiah 33:3 says, "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

Call to Jesus and he will lead us on an amazing adventure. Take us to places that we won't be able to go if it were just up to us. Now we just have to have the courage to listen and to follow. In Matthew 4:19 Jesus asks Simon and Andrew to Follow him. They didn't protest and ask questions... worry over what may or may not happen... They dropped their nets, left their boat, and immediately followed Jesus. This is how I want to raise my kids... With a faith that will take you out of the boat and be able to walk on water. Yes there may be times where we falter and start to sink, but all we have to do is reach up and grab the hand that will pull us back up. I want my hubby and I to be that kind of example to them. I want them to see that we have an unshakable faith even in the rocky times. Even when we falter and yell too much, or make poor choices like hitting or hurting someone's feelings... There is always a hand held out ready to forgive, have some encouraging words and a warm hug, and help you move forward on the journey laid out.

PS... I tried posting a cool pic with a winding path through the woods, but I couldn't get it to work :( so just imagine that I put it here ;-)

Taming the Tongue From Careless Words

They say the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body.  This little muscle is used for so much.  It can be used to encourage and to be used for good,  but it can also be used for utter destruction...

Why is it so much easier for us to think of all the wrong things to say instead of all the right things?

We say things that tear each other down faster than we can think of things to build each other up.

Most people have a filter that helps them realize... "Hey now!  Stop right there!  You will instantly regret saying that if you do..."  But sometimes that filter just isn't on it's "A" game.  So you think of a comeback... the words come flying out of your mouth... and before you know it there is no way to take it back.  Your filter has failed.. BIG TIME.  You have said something terribly wrong and there's nothing... NOTHING you can do about it.  So, you just sit in the uncomfortableness of what has just been said, hit your head against the wall, and wish deeply that you can take it back.  But you can't.  So then there are two choices... 1. Continue saying things while your filter is on the fritz and make it worse or 2. Just zip your lips and STOP.  Stop before you have dug a hole that will take FOREVER to get out of.

I tend to keep on going and dig myself a hole and then once the hold is deep enough I jump right on in and pile the dirt on.  When my filter fails... It really fails.  I just stand there armed and ready.  What a horrible thing to do!  Be the first on to strike and wound so I am not the first one hurt.  Jesus doesn't teach that we should attack with our words or with any other tactic for that matter.  We need to respond with love, with respect, with understanding.  Proverbs 10:19 says "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."  Ouch... every time I open my mouth I have the choice to be sinful with my words and tear others down or I can be wise and just zip it.  Even though I have an opinion about something, or think of a jab... that does not give me the freedom to say it.  It's as simple as that saying that we were taught as kids "If you have nothing good to say, then don't say anything at all."  I need to start taking responsibility for what I say instead of just saying something out of frustration.

Learning how to tame my tongue is going to be a hard challenge.  But I need to use my tongue to build up my family.  At church this past weekend our teaching Pastor Jason Anderson challenged us with finding a word that will help us be a better person this year.  He chose "trust" as his word... I think for me I need a few words to help me through this year.  "Stillness", "Listen first then speak" (and if after listening you still can't think of anything else to say then keep quiet!), "Just STOP."  Ephesians 4:29 says it best "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."  So not drudging up the past, or saying something to make the person feel as miserable as you feel is NOT wise?  Ok got it!  Until I am able to be held accountable for my words, my "filter" will continue to fail.  So I guess the only place to start is to Confess and then Repent for what has been said.  Whether is been out of irritation at my children because they have asked 500 times when we can play outside, or asking them for the 5th time to clean up their toys spread all over the house or saying things out of frustration at my hubby for things totally and completely out of his control (like rush hour traffic which makes him late and RUINS MY plans for the evening)... I need to change... Change my response, change my words, change my body language.  Confess and Repent it's the only way to start being free from our sinful selves.

So, I end this with a heartfelt apology to my hubby for saying harsh words out of frustration. I am imperfect and broken.  I am, we are,  working on building our house with Christ as the foundation.  I crack and fail more often than I want to.  But with your help, Love, we are able to fill in those cracks and make it stronger because we don't let it crumble.  It may be a bit wobbly at times, but God's hand is there holding it up till we get it figured out.

Psalm 19:14 "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

New recipe...

So I tried out a new recipe last night in the crockpot. Since I've never made it before, I followed the recipe exactly. Man, that was a big mistake! I should've listened to the little voice in my head saying "no, don't do that". But I didn't know any better :) but I thought I'd share since it was a hit regardless! I'll also add my tweaks in for next time!

Slow cooker chicken pot pie stew

4 large skinless, boneless chicken breast cut into cubes
10 medium red potatoes, cubed
1 (8 oz) pkg of carrots
1 cup chopped celery
2 can of cream of chicken soup
6 boullion cubes
2 t garlic salt
1 t celery salt
1 T black pepper
16 oz bag of frozen mixed veggies

Combine everything into the crockpot but the mixed veggies. Cook on high for 5 hours.

Mix in frozen veggies for the last hour of cooking.

Serve with bisquik biscuits.

So, unless you want to feel your arteries clog due to all the salt, and have every bite taste like black pepper... Please follow the recipe as written! :) but here are my highly suggested tweaks.

1. I didn't have red potatoes and used regular russet potatoes and it was just fine.

2. I'd say the 8 oz pkg of carrots is optional since the mixed veggies already have carrots in it.

3. I make my own cream of chicken soup. So much healthier! I just combine 3 T of butter and 1T of flour in a pot. Heat it up and mix together. Then add 1/2 cup of chicken stock and 1/2 cup of milk. Add salt and pepper if desired. Mix until thick. Super nummy! And it makes about 1 cans worth of soup.

3. Wow! 6 bouillon cubes! That's a lot. One would suffice or for a healthier choice 1 cup of chicken stock.

4. Only use 1t of garlic salt or add in 1 garlic clove.

5. I would also add in a small onion.

6. WAY TOO MUCH PEPPER!!! only use as much as you want. Leave it out while cooking and then people can add it into their bowls if they want a slight pepper taste!

7. I would add in the frozen veggies about 3 hours into cooking. Then it has 2 hours to stew instead of 1.

8. This is great as a stew or if you'd like to eat with biscuits that would work too.

I hope you enjoy it as much as we did!

I found this recipe at allrecipes.com

Leaving a Legacy

I just read my morning devotions from my Homeschooling Mom Bible... something really hit me and made me stop and think....

"If the story of your life was included in the Bible, how would you be remembered - as a woman who served The Lord faithfully with all your heart and soul, or as someone who did evil in the sight of The Lord?"

What would my story look like? Would it look like a mom that was striving to do things the way that The Lord designed or would I look like a mom that was just hanging on by a thread because I'm trying to do it all on my own? I am afraid of my answer because I know what it is. My answer isn't that I always go the way that has been planned out for me by my loving Heavenly Father. I usually end up going out on my own and it is a curvy path that bring me through thorns and thick weeds. I eventually end up where I was supposed to be.... But if I had just listened to The Lord's prompting I wouldn't have encountered so much trouble.

For example.... Finances... They literally get me every time. I sit there and balance the checkbook and fret about how I am supposed to buy groceries and put gas in the van on such a small amount of money? I make sure to pay all the bills first and use whatever is left over to buy food and gas. But sometimes what is left just doesn't look like enough. So then I start obsessing over it and trying to recalculate and looking for ways to cut down the list and yadda yadda yadda.... I become overwhelmed and instead of just trusting that The Lord is going to provide (as he always does) I just sit in the doom and despair that is called money. My hubby tries to talk and calm me down and remind me of all the blessings that we have because we are faithful to our Provider above but something inside just doesn't want to listen and I become someone that I don't want my kids to become. I become bitter and extremely frustrated and end up taking it out on everyone that gets in my way...

What kind of legacy is that? Trust The Lord in everything kids, but when the going looks like it's getting tough get into the drivers seat and just take over. Um, NO! It needs to be the total opposite. We need to give that control over to Him and know that we will be taken care of 100%. In my head I know and understand and see that He is providing but then it comes out totally wrong and my kids see that part. They can't see what is going on in my head. They only see my reaction to the stress. Matthew 6:31-33 is exactly what I need to live out and show my kids the faithfulness of God. "Don't worry about having enough food, drink, or clothing. Don't be like the pagans who run after all these things. Your Heavenly Father already knows all your needs and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the kingdom of God your primary concern." When I am feeling the stress and strain of financial woes (or anything else that causes stress really...) that is when I need to turn and run to God, NOT myself. It is a horrible habit that I have gotten into and one that needs to break...not only for my sake, but for the sake of my hubby and kids.

I need to live and breathe Philippians 4:12-13
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

That, my friends, is the legacy I want to leave for my kids. One that trusted mind, body, and soul in The Lord and his plan for my life and my family's life. He knows what he is doing and I really need to stop questioning that.

The Power a Word Can Hold

Who hasn't had that "insert foot in mouth" feeling?  Yeah, I have it more often than I would like to admit.  Words have a power that is scary sometimes, but are also very soothing to the soul.

Last night my hubby and I were going to bed and I was reading my book, Having a Mary Spirit, for my Bible Study group.  I confess that I am a little bit behind, but that doesn't really matter, right? :) I started reading the chapter "Speaking Love" and something hit me.  I have always thought that my love language is Quality Time because I really do love to spend time with those I love. (But as much as I hate to admit it I never feel filled up after it)  After, I read the first half page of the chapter, it hit me... my love language is Words of Affirmation.  Joanna (the author) was talking about a difficult day and how she was beginning to think that life would just go on as normal without her.  (I laughed out loud when I read that because there are many times that I have felt the same way...)  But that day she just happened to get a letter in the mail from a friend that said everything she needed to hear.  And it lifted her spirits and helped her through.  After I read that I looked at my hubby and said "I do believe that my love language is Words of Affiramtion."  I told him that even though I am terrible at communicating out loud... words are so important to me.  Which is why I have a card from one of my best friends hanging on my fridge from a few years ago, and why I have almost all of the notes and cards that my hubby and family/friends have given to me.  I have the hardest time throwing away things that people have personally written to me (especially when it's something that helps me get through).  And maybe that's why my house is full of books.  Bookcases in almost every room of the house.  

Words hold power that nothing else has.  In Proverbs 18:21 it says that, "The tongue has the power of life and death..." I think that is so true. I see it when I speak too harshly to my kids and I see how they deflate.  I see it when I speak out of love and they look as if they can conquer the world. Words can take on so many forms, so many meanings. I think that we as faulty people have the ability to twist words to what we think they should mean.  I am so guilty of this and my hubby calls me on it all the time.  My hubby may be trying to speak to me because it's what I need to hear but all I am hearing is that I am not doing good enough and then I just throw a pity party for one. Maybe the tone of voice that he used wasn't to my liking, who knows...  Words... If words of affirmation are my love language I need to stop fighting against them and let them heal my soul, especially when they are trying to help.  

Even though I fight against words, sometimes they are the only thing that helps.  Proverbs 12:25 "Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up."  I have an anxious heart a lot... especially when my hubby is traveling.  That's when I really see how much he helps with his words.  He's not here to talk at night once the kids are sleeping.  I find myself texting him A LOT more during the day and when he calls randomly during the day to just say "Hi, I love you" it makes it all worth it. But when my hubby IS home and he sees that I am getting overwhelmed or anxious he reminds me that I am loved and that maybe it's time for me to write.  I don't think that a kind word is always meant to be spoken. Writing is my way of calming down my anxious heart.  There's no judging when I am writing (well maybe with this blog there is, but I can take it) :) I can just sit and write and get lost in my words and my thoughts and when I'm done I feel lighter. It's a great feeling. Words help me to process whatever it is I am going through, and God meets me there. He whispers to my soul when I am writing.  

Words have the power to heal and the power to tear down.  If words are so important for me to hear, I need to be so much more intentional about the words that come out of my mouth.  Words that I speak to my husband, words that I speak to my kids.  How do you use your words during each day?

Regretful thinking...

I have been wanting to write on here for a long time now... But I start writing something and then it's like nothing comes out... Writers block? Who knows...but here it goes :)

Living with regret has to be one of the hardest things to live with.... Ever.... Period! Living in the "what it's" or the "why can't we just..." it's overwhelming. It consumes every part of you. You literally feel like you are being eaten alive sometimes by all the thoughts going through your mind and the why questions. Some days are easier for turning off the "what if's" and some days it's all consuming. I wish that I could wake up in the morning and know whether or not it was going to be an easy breezy day or one that will be a struggle just get through. And by struggle I mean me at war with my thoughts. It's hard when you have one of those days and are trying to focus on the kids, and just move forward with life. But how do you move forward when you are stuck feeling guilty over regret? It's the war between the choices that you have made in the past that are now fighting with what life looks like because of those choices.

When my husband and I got married we wanted a big family.... Full of love, kids, and a house to be used as a ministry...a ministry with an open door to whomever needs a safe haven to crash or place to find understanding no matter the situation. I personally feel like we have accomplished two out of three of those things... A house full of love and a house to be used as a ministry. The one that we haven't lived up to in my mind and my personal bucket full of regret is the decision that we made to be done having kids. Three kids in two years... That would make a lot of people crazy. So 4 years ago, we made the best decision we could....to be done. But now... I am just full of sadness. Full of regret that we made a hasty decision due to lack of sleep and a mommy full of crazy hormones.

I find this a lot harder to write than I thought....tears keep welling up....

So how do you move on from something where you feel like there's nothing that can be done? I hold tight to the promises that Jesus will always hold me close. I hold tight to the promise that Jesus will get me through whatever storm I am brought to. I hold tight to the promise that nothing is impossible for God. I hold tight to the love that my husband and I share and the fact that he will always be there for me... Especially on the super tough days. I hold tight to my precious kids that I do have right now. But the desire to have more kids to love, to hold, to cherish, to teach is so strong and I know it won't go unanswered. I am just not sure how The Lord is going to answer that desire. And I don't think it will get answered until I am finally able to let go of that regret that I seem to be holding onto so tightly.

Regretful thinking.... I wonder if that's like all of the "acceptable sins" we throw around so casually. Gossiping, worrying, jealousy, selfishness... Etc... All these things that are just a part of normal life, but it's actually the opposite. They are not normal... they are things that eat away at us leading us farther away from Jesus. And until I can forgive myself for making a hasty decision I am going to constantly fight with the regret and not be able to live in all the God has for my life. And that is just not acceptable anymore...