Struggling

My goal with this blog was to show the good and the bad...

This week has been a TOUGH week. Like I feel more than any other week of parenting. I don't know if it's just because the kids are still trying to recover from the crazy business of Christmas and daddy being gone all week and being literally stuck in the house because of the freezing temps.... It gets to be a little much. I'm at my wits end today.

I was laying so nice and warm in my bed this morning and the the kids started to trickle into bed with me. Which is fine because they all usually find a spot and rest for another 30 minutes before we get up. But this morning no one was happy about where they were laying because everyone of them needed to be touching me. So instead of us working it out we all started yelling and it ended with me kicking the kids out of bed because one or all of them were starting to hit and I was starting to feel my blood boil. Not a great start to the morning. I crawled out of bed and made my way to the keurig to make some much needed coffee...all while listening to the kids fight over who gets to take the dog out and back in again and who gets to feed her! I felt defeated already and it was only 6:45 IN THE MORNING! I usually drink my coffee and do my devotions but my heart is just not in the right place right now. Devotions will have to come later when I can truly sit in the presence of The Lord and not feel unfocused.

So, here's my dilemma... I feel like a failure because I'm a homeschooling mama and I feel like my kids should behave better. I know that is an unreal expectation that I have and that kids are kids and we need to teach them how to make good choices and live the way God wants us to live. But HOW do you do that when it is a constant battle? I am going to be trying something new for today and next week that a friend told me about. I made a chart with their names and we will do stickers and check marks. I made one for each of the kids and myself (because let's be honest the kids aren't the only ones making good and poor choices in the house). That way the kids won't feel like they have no say. If they see me making a good choice they can point it out and tell me to get a sticker. But if I make a poor choice they can also tell me to make a check mark on my chart. At the end of the day we will count up how much of each we have and go from there.

I feel like my family needs a "reboot". I sat down to write this today because I felt overwhelmed. The song that came to mind was from kari jobe... A song that I haven't listened to in forever. But God whispered it into my soul.... The lyrics are below and go here to listen to the song...

Come and rest here
Come and lay your burdens down
Come and rest here
There is refuge for you now

You'll find His peace
And know you're not alone anymore
He is near
You'll find his healing
Your heart isn't shattered anymore
He is here

Breathe in
Breathe out
You will
You will find Him here

I will rest in you.