Pursuing new goals...

It's just so crazy how much your past can effect the way you live your present. Don't you think? I mean one huge thing.... A bunch of little things... Doesn't really matter but it can really screw with how you view life. For the past year I feel like I have been living in a deep dark hole of self-pity due to all the "things" that I have had to deal with. And if I'm truly being honest, I've had no real desire or know how on how to get myself out. Yes my husband would tell me that I need to get my act together (in a kinder way of course) but I would just sit there pretending to listen by nodding my head and agreeing with what he was saying but really not giving any kind of input on how to fix it.

It wasn't until these past few months that I have really felt The Lord trying to prod me back to who I am and who my husband and children need me to be. See, this past summer I started breaking out in hives (that was just the start) and it has progressively gotten worse over time. My health has continued to be confusing, my weight has slowly been going up, my desire to be involved has gone down... I just wanted to check out and do whatever I could to escape. I really hate saying this because I LOVE my family. I LOVE the fact that I have ability to stay home with my kids and TEACH them. I love the fact that my us and supports me in my desire to be at home and works very hard to support our family. I have definitely taken that for granted and The Lord has been knocking on my hearts door to get me to wake up. But I just haven't wanted to do anything about it.

So starting 3 months ago my church started a sermon series called Labeled . I absolutely fell in love with it and it seemed like every single sermon was written for me. And then the next sermon series was "Acceptable Sins" (written for me), and then right before Christmas it was "Beat the Odds" (and again written for me... Do you see a pattern?) I felt like God was just trying to pound it into me that I needed to run away from everything that I have been holding onto and run to Him. So with the new year upon us... This is a great time to start it all over. Some of my goals for this year are actually DOING devotions and making Christ the center of my life...again...and my families life, not yelling at my kids for stupid things, showing my husband that I support him in what he decides, not stressing over financial hardships, taking my health back and to show my kids the importance of living a healthy lifestyle (following a healthy diet, exercising....), and to only "plug in" when I don't have anything else going on... Like when the kiddos are sleeping :). It's so easy for me to put the cares of this life above Jesus and his great love for me... And as hard as this is going to be, I now to need to switch that focus onto Him and all that He has given me in this life.

With all these goals in mind, and thinking about how The Lord is pursuing me... Today was a great day! With company filling up my house, children's laughter filling the air... Life is good. I balanced the check book and instead of stressing over the lack of funds... I trust that The Lord is going to provide as he always does. The kids made poor choices today and instead of losing it at them for not being perfect... I talked to them and explained to them why I was upset and asked them how we can do things better. Instead of throwing in the towel because my son refused to eat dinner... We pushed through the battle and boy was it a battle but we were victorious in the end. And seeing that huge smile on his face made it all worth it. Seeing the good instead of the bad makes for a much happier home and family, don't you think? Now granted this is day 2 of my new goals... I know there will be tough times ahead but I need to push through the battle in order to see the victory in the end.

Proverbs 31:30 "charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears The Lord will be greatly praised." I want my husband, my children, my family and friends to see the beauty that I have that can only come from The Lord above. I want the darkness to fear me because I will be able to move mountains. This is what I am going to strive to do this year. I'm done living in the past and feeling ugly because it and stressing over the "what would have been if...". I want to live in the now and feel beauty because of all that I have in front of me...