A Worshipful Heart

Ever have a song that you find and then it's on repeat like literally all day long?  That seems to happen to me a lot.  Thankfully my kids love music just about as much as I do and they are very forgiving when we listen to the same song over and over and over again :)

God made us to love everything that he created us to be.  Whether it is loving nature, loving books, loving music... I feel as followers of Christ we need to use those passions to bring ourselves closer to Him and to help lead others to know how precious He is.  Music is and always has been my biggest passion.  I joke with my hubby that I was a singer in another life ;) Music has always healed my soul.  You could always tell what mood I was in by what music I listened to.  Now what constantly plays around my house is praise music... Hillsong United, Kari Jobe, David Crowder, Christy Nockles, Big Daddy Weave... Oh the list goes on and on!  One song in particular that has been speaking to my soul is Be Still My Soul (In You I Rest) by Kari Jobe.  I'm really not sure how many times I have listened to it recently, but I'm sure it's a crazy number! 

I have always treasured this song.  "Be still, my soul, the Lord is on thy side..."  God is on my side.  God is with me on the rocky path and the calm waters.  He is with me when I feel like I am drowning in anxiety or the unknowns.  He is with me when I am feeling like I can conquer the world.  I drink him in and my soul is still.  My soul is at rest.  My soul is at peace.  I love the words of the chorus "In you I rest, in You I found my hope  In you I trust, You never let me go  I place my life within your hands alone  Be still, my soul"

I posted a link to the video below.  I wanted to put the actual video on my blog but I'm still learning how to use wordpress. :) I apologize for any commercial that comes on before her video.  But I hope this song leaves you with a peace and a growing love for our Heavenly Father that only He can give to us!

Be Still My Soul - Kari Jobe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mq59iE3MhXM

 

Homeschool Journey

If you were to ask me when my hubby and I first got married where we would be 8 years into our marriage... I doubt my answer would be that I was homeschooling 3 kids and my hubby worked and traveled for his job. The answer may have looked more like I would be a preschool or kindergarten teacher somewhere while my hubby was either a pastor, youth pastor, or in the camp ministry. I was bound and determined to not be a homeschooler. My kids would do just fine in public school. But as life moved, our hearts started to change. The Lord started to work. He would introduce us to other homeschooling families. Some of our closest friends would also decide to homeschool their kids. We were invited to join a co-op with a waiting list that is super long. Everything just fell into place. God was directing our journey and we were following His lead. I am able to USE my degree from college. Granted I am not standing in a classroom teaching 30 kids, but I am teaching 3 of the most important kids in my life. I am able to teach them skills that they wouldn't learn if they were in school all day long.

Looking at where we are right now I honestly, 100% cannot imagine doing anything else. My oldest is in 1st grade, my 2nd is in kindergarten, and my 3rd is on and off doing preschool. He would much rather bug his sisters while they do school or run around the house with his trucks or as Superman. All of which are fine as long as everyone stays safe, healthy, and happy and not get a super bloody nose because they tripped over a toy and hit their nose on the steps...;-) My hubby and I love watching the kids learn and grow and see their individual personalities emerge. I can't imagine my first in school as she needs to move and be vocal while she is learning. She likes to have noise going when she is doing school. My second needs a lot more one on one interaction with her school work. She likes to know that I am right there to answer questions anytime she has one or to just cuddle with while she is reading a new book. My boy...we haven't figured him out yet. And that is fine he is only 4! It's more important right now for him to play and imagine and be a boy. It's so important for all my kids to do that. Their purpose is to not sit in a desk and learn to perform. Their purpose is learn, to grow, to use their creativity and imaginations, to laugh, to be OK not always getting it right the first time, to love their Heavenly Father with a passion that only comes from Him. ( and I'm not saying they can't do any of that in a public school, but this is how it works for our family).

My challenge with homeschooling is to continually seek the Lord's wisdom and then to be obedient in leading my kids through that plan. My kids are going through a series at church about generosity and how we can help others in need. So this past weekend they were each given a piggy bank to raise money to help others. They have all been helping more around the house to earn that money. My oldest just lost her 7th tooth and she said she is going to take all of her tooth fairy money and put it in her piggy bank for church. Warms my heart to see that she wants to give that money away instead of keeping it all to herself. Makes my hubby and I feel like we are doing something right, and they are being obedient to what God wants for their lives.

Jeremiah 33:3 says, "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

Call to Jesus and he will lead us on an amazing adventure. Take us to places that we won't be able to go if it were just up to us. Now we just have to have the courage to listen and to follow. In Matthew 4:19 Jesus asks Simon and Andrew to Follow him. They didn't protest and ask questions... worry over what may or may not happen... They dropped their nets, left their boat, and immediately followed Jesus. This is how I want to raise my kids... With a faith that will take you out of the boat and be able to walk on water. Yes there may be times where we falter and start to sink, but all we have to do is reach up and grab the hand that will pull us back up. I want my hubby and I to be that kind of example to them. I want them to see that we have an unshakable faith even in the rocky times. Even when we falter and yell too much, or make poor choices like hitting or hurting someone's feelings... There is always a hand held out ready to forgive, have some encouraging words and a warm hug, and help you move forward on the journey laid out.

PS... I tried posting a cool pic with a winding path through the woods, but I couldn't get it to work :( so just imagine that I put it here ;-)

Taming the Tongue From Careless Words

They say the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body.  This little muscle is used for so much.  It can be used to encourage and to be used for good,  but it can also be used for utter destruction...

Why is it so much easier for us to think of all the wrong things to say instead of all the right things?

We say things that tear each other down faster than we can think of things to build each other up.

Most people have a filter that helps them realize... "Hey now!  Stop right there!  You will instantly regret saying that if you do..."  But sometimes that filter just isn't on it's "A" game.  So you think of a comeback... the words come flying out of your mouth... and before you know it there is no way to take it back.  Your filter has failed.. BIG TIME.  You have said something terribly wrong and there's nothing... NOTHING you can do about it.  So, you just sit in the uncomfortableness of what has just been said, hit your head against the wall, and wish deeply that you can take it back.  But you can't.  So then there are two choices... 1. Continue saying things while your filter is on the fritz and make it worse or 2. Just zip your lips and STOP.  Stop before you have dug a hole that will take FOREVER to get out of.

I tend to keep on going and dig myself a hole and then once the hold is deep enough I jump right on in and pile the dirt on.  When my filter fails... It really fails.  I just stand there armed and ready.  What a horrible thing to do!  Be the first on to strike and wound so I am not the first one hurt.  Jesus doesn't teach that we should attack with our words or with any other tactic for that matter.  We need to respond with love, with respect, with understanding.  Proverbs 10:19 says "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."  Ouch... every time I open my mouth I have the choice to be sinful with my words and tear others down or I can be wise and just zip it.  Even though I have an opinion about something, or think of a jab... that does not give me the freedom to say it.  It's as simple as that saying that we were taught as kids "If you have nothing good to say, then don't say anything at all."  I need to start taking responsibility for what I say instead of just saying something out of frustration.

Learning how to tame my tongue is going to be a hard challenge.  But I need to use my tongue to build up my family.  At church this past weekend our teaching Pastor Jason Anderson challenged us with finding a word that will help us be a better person this year.  He chose "trust" as his word... I think for me I need a few words to help me through this year.  "Stillness", "Listen first then speak" (and if after listening you still can't think of anything else to say then keep quiet!), "Just STOP."  Ephesians 4:29 says it best "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."  So not drudging up the past, or saying something to make the person feel as miserable as you feel is NOT wise?  Ok got it!  Until I am able to be held accountable for my words, my "filter" will continue to fail.  So I guess the only place to start is to Confess and then Repent for what has been said.  Whether is been out of irritation at my children because they have asked 500 times when we can play outside, or asking them for the 5th time to clean up their toys spread all over the house or saying things out of frustration at my hubby for things totally and completely out of his control (like rush hour traffic which makes him late and RUINS MY plans for the evening)... I need to change... Change my response, change my words, change my body language.  Confess and Repent it's the only way to start being free from our sinful selves.

So, I end this with a heartfelt apology to my hubby for saying harsh words out of frustration. I am imperfect and broken.  I am, we are,  working on building our house with Christ as the foundation.  I crack and fail more often than I want to.  But with your help, Love, we are able to fill in those cracks and make it stronger because we don't let it crumble.  It may be a bit wobbly at times, but God's hand is there holding it up till we get it figured out.

Psalm 19:14 "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

New recipe...

So I tried out a new recipe last night in the crockpot. Since I've never made it before, I followed the recipe exactly. Man, that was a big mistake! I should've listened to the little voice in my head saying "no, don't do that". But I didn't know any better :) but I thought I'd share since it was a hit regardless! I'll also add my tweaks in for next time!

Slow cooker chicken pot pie stew

4 large skinless, boneless chicken breast cut into cubes
10 medium red potatoes, cubed
1 (8 oz) pkg of carrots
1 cup chopped celery
2 can of cream of chicken soup
6 boullion cubes
2 t garlic salt
1 t celery salt
1 T black pepper
16 oz bag of frozen mixed veggies

Combine everything into the crockpot but the mixed veggies. Cook on high for 5 hours.

Mix in frozen veggies for the last hour of cooking.

Serve with bisquik biscuits.

So, unless you want to feel your arteries clog due to all the salt, and have every bite taste like black pepper... Please follow the recipe as written! :) but here are my highly suggested tweaks.

1. I didn't have red potatoes and used regular russet potatoes and it was just fine.

2. I'd say the 8 oz pkg of carrots is optional since the mixed veggies already have carrots in it.

3. I make my own cream of chicken soup. So much healthier! I just combine 3 T of butter and 1T of flour in a pot. Heat it up and mix together. Then add 1/2 cup of chicken stock and 1/2 cup of milk. Add salt and pepper if desired. Mix until thick. Super nummy! And it makes about 1 cans worth of soup.

3. Wow! 6 bouillon cubes! That's a lot. One would suffice or for a healthier choice 1 cup of chicken stock.

4. Only use 1t of garlic salt or add in 1 garlic clove.

5. I would also add in a small onion.

6. WAY TOO MUCH PEPPER!!! only use as much as you want. Leave it out while cooking and then people can add it into their bowls if they want a slight pepper taste!

7. I would add in the frozen veggies about 3 hours into cooking. Then it has 2 hours to stew instead of 1.

8. This is great as a stew or if you'd like to eat with biscuits that would work too.

I hope you enjoy it as much as we did!

I found this recipe at allrecipes.com

Leaving a Legacy

I just read my morning devotions from my Homeschooling Mom Bible... something really hit me and made me stop and think....

"If the story of your life was included in the Bible, how would you be remembered - as a woman who served The Lord faithfully with all your heart and soul, or as someone who did evil in the sight of The Lord?"

What would my story look like? Would it look like a mom that was striving to do things the way that The Lord designed or would I look like a mom that was just hanging on by a thread because I'm trying to do it all on my own? I am afraid of my answer because I know what it is. My answer isn't that I always go the way that has been planned out for me by my loving Heavenly Father. I usually end up going out on my own and it is a curvy path that bring me through thorns and thick weeds. I eventually end up where I was supposed to be.... But if I had just listened to The Lord's prompting I wouldn't have encountered so much trouble.

For example.... Finances... They literally get me every time. I sit there and balance the checkbook and fret about how I am supposed to buy groceries and put gas in the van on such a small amount of money? I make sure to pay all the bills first and use whatever is left over to buy food and gas. But sometimes what is left just doesn't look like enough. So then I start obsessing over it and trying to recalculate and looking for ways to cut down the list and yadda yadda yadda.... I become overwhelmed and instead of just trusting that The Lord is going to provide (as he always does) I just sit in the doom and despair that is called money. My hubby tries to talk and calm me down and remind me of all the blessings that we have because we are faithful to our Provider above but something inside just doesn't want to listen and I become someone that I don't want my kids to become. I become bitter and extremely frustrated and end up taking it out on everyone that gets in my way...

What kind of legacy is that? Trust The Lord in everything kids, but when the going looks like it's getting tough get into the drivers seat and just take over. Um, NO! It needs to be the total opposite. We need to give that control over to Him and know that we will be taken care of 100%. In my head I know and understand and see that He is providing but then it comes out totally wrong and my kids see that part. They can't see what is going on in my head. They only see my reaction to the stress. Matthew 6:31-33 is exactly what I need to live out and show my kids the faithfulness of God. "Don't worry about having enough food, drink, or clothing. Don't be like the pagans who run after all these things. Your Heavenly Father already knows all your needs and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the kingdom of God your primary concern." When I am feeling the stress and strain of financial woes (or anything else that causes stress really...) that is when I need to turn and run to God, NOT myself. It is a horrible habit that I have gotten into and one that needs to break...not only for my sake, but for the sake of my hubby and kids.

I need to live and breathe Philippians 4:12-13
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

That, my friends, is the legacy I want to leave for my kids. One that trusted mind, body, and soul in The Lord and his plan for my life and my family's life. He knows what he is doing and I really need to stop questioning that.

The Power a Word Can Hold

Who hasn't had that "insert foot in mouth" feeling?  Yeah, I have it more often than I would like to admit.  Words have a power that is scary sometimes, but are also very soothing to the soul.

Last night my hubby and I were going to bed and I was reading my book, Having a Mary Spirit, for my Bible Study group.  I confess that I am a little bit behind, but that doesn't really matter, right? :) I started reading the chapter "Speaking Love" and something hit me.  I have always thought that my love language is Quality Time because I really do love to spend time with those I love. (But as much as I hate to admit it I never feel filled up after it)  After, I read the first half page of the chapter, it hit me... my love language is Words of Affirmation.  Joanna (the author) was talking about a difficult day and how she was beginning to think that life would just go on as normal without her.  (I laughed out loud when I read that because there are many times that I have felt the same way...)  But that day she just happened to get a letter in the mail from a friend that said everything she needed to hear.  And it lifted her spirits and helped her through.  After I read that I looked at my hubby and said "I do believe that my love language is Words of Affiramtion."  I told him that even though I am terrible at communicating out loud... words are so important to me.  Which is why I have a card from one of my best friends hanging on my fridge from a few years ago, and why I have almost all of the notes and cards that my hubby and family/friends have given to me.  I have the hardest time throwing away things that people have personally written to me (especially when it's something that helps me get through).  And maybe that's why my house is full of books.  Bookcases in almost every room of the house.  

Words hold power that nothing else has.  In Proverbs 18:21 it says that, "The tongue has the power of life and death..." I think that is so true. I see it when I speak too harshly to my kids and I see how they deflate.  I see it when I speak out of love and they look as if they can conquer the world. Words can take on so many forms, so many meanings. I think that we as faulty people have the ability to twist words to what we think they should mean.  I am so guilty of this and my hubby calls me on it all the time.  My hubby may be trying to speak to me because it's what I need to hear but all I am hearing is that I am not doing good enough and then I just throw a pity party for one. Maybe the tone of voice that he used wasn't to my liking, who knows...  Words... If words of affirmation are my love language I need to stop fighting against them and let them heal my soul, especially when they are trying to help.  

Even though I fight against words, sometimes they are the only thing that helps.  Proverbs 12:25 "Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up."  I have an anxious heart a lot... especially when my hubby is traveling.  That's when I really see how much he helps with his words.  He's not here to talk at night once the kids are sleeping.  I find myself texting him A LOT more during the day and when he calls randomly during the day to just say "Hi, I love you" it makes it all worth it. But when my hubby IS home and he sees that I am getting overwhelmed or anxious he reminds me that I am loved and that maybe it's time for me to write.  I don't think that a kind word is always meant to be spoken. Writing is my way of calming down my anxious heart.  There's no judging when I am writing (well maybe with this blog there is, but I can take it) :) I can just sit and write and get lost in my words and my thoughts and when I'm done I feel lighter. It's a great feeling. Words help me to process whatever it is I am going through, and God meets me there. He whispers to my soul when I am writing.  

Words have the power to heal and the power to tear down.  If words are so important for me to hear, I need to be so much more intentional about the words that come out of my mouth.  Words that I speak to my husband, words that I speak to my kids.  How do you use your words during each day?

Regretful thinking...

I have been wanting to write on here for a long time now... But I start writing something and then it's like nothing comes out... Writers block? Who knows...but here it goes :)

Living with regret has to be one of the hardest things to live with.... Ever.... Period! Living in the "what it's" or the "why can't we just..." it's overwhelming. It consumes every part of you. You literally feel like you are being eaten alive sometimes by all the thoughts going through your mind and the why questions. Some days are easier for turning off the "what if's" and some days it's all consuming. I wish that I could wake up in the morning and know whether or not it was going to be an easy breezy day or one that will be a struggle just get through. And by struggle I mean me at war with my thoughts. It's hard when you have one of those days and are trying to focus on the kids, and just move forward with life. But how do you move forward when you are stuck feeling guilty over regret? It's the war between the choices that you have made in the past that are now fighting with what life looks like because of those choices.

When my husband and I got married we wanted a big family.... Full of love, kids, and a house to be used as a ministry...a ministry with an open door to whomever needs a safe haven to crash or place to find understanding no matter the situation. I personally feel like we have accomplished two out of three of those things... A house full of love and a house to be used as a ministry. The one that we haven't lived up to in my mind and my personal bucket full of regret is the decision that we made to be done having kids. Three kids in two years... That would make a lot of people crazy. So 4 years ago, we made the best decision we could....to be done. But now... I am just full of sadness. Full of regret that we made a hasty decision due to lack of sleep and a mommy full of crazy hormones.

I find this a lot harder to write than I thought....tears keep welling up....

So how do you move on from something where you feel like there's nothing that can be done? I hold tight to the promises that Jesus will always hold me close. I hold tight to the promise that Jesus will get me through whatever storm I am brought to. I hold tight to the promise that nothing is impossible for God. I hold tight to the love that my husband and I share and the fact that he will always be there for me... Especially on the super tough days. I hold tight to my precious kids that I do have right now. But the desire to have more kids to love, to hold, to cherish, to teach is so strong and I know it won't go unanswered. I am just not sure how The Lord is going to answer that desire. And I don't think it will get answered until I am finally able to let go of that regret that I seem to be holding onto so tightly.

Regretful thinking.... I wonder if that's like all of the "acceptable sins" we throw around so casually. Gossiping, worrying, jealousy, selfishness... Etc... All these things that are just a part of normal life, but it's actually the opposite. They are not normal... they are things that eat away at us leading us farther away from Jesus. And until I can forgive myself for making a hasty decision I am going to constantly fight with the regret and not be able to live in all the God has for my life. And that is just not acceptable anymore...