The Choice to Unfollow

I have been itching to write a post for the past few days, and just haven't been able to figure out what it is that I want to write.  I started one last night, and I just wasn't able to tie everything together.  I was feel discouraged, but then we went to church.  And I wanted to share what our sermon was about...

So last night was the last sermon in a series called Follow. It was all about when we are tempted to Unfollow Jesus.  In this life there are so many things that can happen that will give us the choice either to continue on the path that we have been walking or click the unfollow button and go another way.  I see it most prevalent in marriages today.  It seems like it's the norm to just click the "divorce" button the second a speed bump comes along.  One or both parties just doesn't have the drive to fight and make it work.  It's really sad to me, because on the other side of that speed bump (which could feel like a mountain when you are going through it) is renewal.  There is a fresh perspective, and you realize how worth it all was to fight through the storm.  We realize that our God is a God of second chances.  And just because we mess up in life, in our marriage... that does not mean that we won't get a do over.  My hubby and I are living proof of that, and maybe in posts to come I will share more. **Side note: I do realize that there are times when a marriage just won't work no matter how much you fight. **

But anyway, back to the sermon from last night...

Our pastor was talking about all the things that pop up in life that will tempt us to want to "unfollow" Jesus.  He gave few warning signs as examples... and I am sure there are more, but I will just give what he mentioned...

1. The Bible is boring.  
How many times have I cracked open the Bible only to feel like I am reading nothing.  In the past I haven't been able to make the Bible come alive to me.  It was so dry and, well... boring.  But in the past few years, I have been able to come to the Bible with refreshed eyes and a yearning to actually learn what the Bible says and truly understand it for myself.  It's a learning process, just like everything else in life.

2. Church is not a priority.
When my hubby and I were in the thick of a major storm, church just wasn't even on the radar.  We were too busy with everything else that we were dealing with.  We couldn't even muster up the energy to get presentable to go to church and be fed.  I am so glad that we snapped out of that.  I crave going to church, and having the fellowship of friends, and singing praises to my Jesus and just being thankful for his promises to me, and my family.

3. Communicating with God is non-existent.

4. A life even led to serious doubt.
I think that this one is the biggest "causer" of doubt and clicking the "unfollow" button.  You start to question God when really bad things happen.  You lose a cherished loved one, a spouse has an affair and you aren't sure how to overcome that, you lose a child, a best friend gets cancer... all of these and more would cause a lot of people to run.  I could never fathom running.  When major life events happen in my life I get mad, and I get mad at God. But you know what?  Just like I tell my kids "I can take it" when they are made at me... I believe that's what God says when we are mad at him.  He wraps his arms around us and tells us that He can take it.  I rely more on God when I am mad at Him than at any other time in my life.

5. It's inconvenient.
How can you fit God in your life when you are so busy?  I feel like in these days of technology... it's a lot easier to fit God in.  With iPhones and iPads everywhere we look, it's so easy to carry the entire Bible with us in our pocket without taking up anymore space.  It's so much easier to just pull out your phone, and read the Bible while you are waiting at an appointment or anytime.  I find that I am saying little prayers all day long.  Yes, sometimes He may seem inconvenient when you are going through something major, but that's when He is trying to teach you something.

6. Complacency or General Drift

When I find that I have the choice to either follow Jesus or unfollow Him, I never doubt my faith in Him.  I look back on my life and I see that even though the path is full of pot holes and healed scars I wouldn't be the person I am without Him.  Honestly, I am afraid of what life would be like without Him.  I realize that there are people that don't believe in God, and see that their life is "better" for it, and that is the choice they have made.  I am just saying that in MY life... I will always choose Jesus.  No matter what comes my way.

Our pastor went on to give a few things you'll learn about yourself when you choose to stick with Jesus...

1. You will develop unshakeable faith!.... (despite all the hard stuff)
James 1:2-4 says "My brothers and sisters, when you have many kind of troubles, you should be full of joy because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience.  Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do.  Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need."

2. You will build an extraordinary strength.
In the moments of pain and strife will you have the courage to step out in faith and trust in God?  To trust that he will meet you and give you the strength that you need to continue moving forward?  For me... that answer will forever and always be a resounding YES!

3. You will experience life.
John 10:10 "A thief comes to steal and kill and destroy, but I came to give life - life in all its fullness."

Even though we all face hard times we can't let that steal the promises that God has given to us.  He is the promise of life, and of hope. He IS the God of second chances.  I can only picture it like this... when my kids go through a tough time, or continually make the same bad choices over and over again...I will be there to guide them through that time, loving on them the best way that I know how. I won't ever tell them they are hopeless and I can't do anything more for them.  That's the same thing that God does for us. When we go through rocky times here God doesn't turn his back on us, he guides us the best way he knows how.  We feel the pain and strife so we can learn from it and be stronger because of it. 

So, what ways do you feel tempted to hit that "Unfollow" button?  

My Love

I am so amazed as to how much difference a week can make!  Let me explain... My hubby has been gone quite a lot this past year and it has been rough.  Lots of lonely nights at home, lots of tears shed, and a TON of anxiety.  Last week, that was the worst one of all. I don't know what came over me, but I was just in a really dark place.  Looking back on it, I shudder just thinking about how I was feeling and where I was at mentally and spiritually.  My hubby and I ended up having a terribly huge fight on Tuesday night.  I felt hopeless, and was just ready to throw in the towel to everything.  I couldn't even bear to take another step forward.  Friday... it couldn't come fast enough!  Let me tell you, it's really hard to resolve anything when you are in two separate states!  But the weekend was full of a lot of healing and reconciliation and I am so very thankful that we had the weekend to recover before he left again on Monday.

Now, this week on the other hand has been a complete 180.  As soon as my hubby left I felt the anxiety sky rocket and I immediately texted him and one of my best friends to pray for me.  That was the best decision I could've made.  This week, I am feeling confident and very much at peace with where we are in life.  It could partly be because I know right now my hubby will be home for a while after this trip is done... But more importantly it's because I changed my mindset, and I reached out to those I know would lift me up.  I looked to God for my strength, I dove into the Word, and I have tried being as encouraging and positive to my hubby as possible.

One verse that caught my attention was Romans 8:6, and it says "If people's thinking is controlled by the sinful self, there is death.  But if their thinking is controlled by the Spirit, there is life and peace."  Last week, I let my sinful self take control of my life and I seriously felt as if I was full of darkness.  It was scary and very lonely. But this week I am letting the Spirit control my thinking.  I am letting Him be in the drivers sear and I truly believe that He is the reason my week is going better.  The shouting that was happening in my ears last week, has been silenced this week!  What a blessing.

This week I decided that I was going to send my hubby little encouraging notes for him to open up each day of the week.  (I got the idea from The Time Warp Wife.)  I wanted him to know that even though he is not here with me physically he is still on my mind and I am praying for him continually.  I just want to pour positivity, love, support, scripture into him while he is gone.  It's hard enough being apart.. I don't need to make it harder by being negative and making things worse.  My hubby works hard for our little family, providing for us so I can stay home with our kids.  I get to raise them and teach them to be the best little people they can be!  So while he is away I want to be a blessing to him, and I want to reinforce to him that I love him with all that I am.  I need to go all out and pour love into him and let him know that I am here no matter what!

My goal is not to be the picture perfect Proverbs 31 wife.  Because let's be honest, that is impossible!  No one can be that!  But I want to start and to continue to strive to be as much of her as I can be.  I don't want to live in the darkness that my sinful self brings.  I want to live in the hope and the peace that only God can bring.  My goal... is to love on my hubby with all that I am.  So, I will end with my favorite part of Proverbs 31.

Proverbs 31:25-31
"She puts on strength and honor as if they were her clothes.  She can laugh at the days that are coming.  She speaks wisely.  She teaches faithfully.  She watches over family matters.  She is busy all the time. Her children stand up and call her blessed.  Her husband also rises up, and he praises her.  He says, 'Many women do noble things.  But you are better than all others.'"

A push in the right direction...

This week has been really rough for me.  It's the first of 3 weeks that my hubby will be gone.  I am happy that he will be coming home over the weekends before he heads out again, but it's still tough.  I tend to freak out over little things, and then the little things BLOW UP into huge things.  It's so annoying!  I just wish there was a way that I could just not over dramatize things.  So after a particularly rough conversation with the hubs on Monday... I opened up my Bible Study on Tuesday from Good Morning Girls and low and behold it was all about marriage.  And how to make it the best marriage it can be.  That always seems to happen to me.  I am having a particularly rough patch and the Lord just puts something in my path that is what I needed to hear at that exact moment.  A song, a sermon, kind words from a friend, a Bible Study....It's crazy!  But anyway...

Yesterday the study started out with the creation story, and how the Lord has said that everything he created was good.. but one thing was not good.  Having man be alone... that was not good in God's eyes.  So he created Eve.  He created her not to be taken advantage of, or for her to dominate her husband, but as a helper for him.  As a side kick.  I love this!  I tend to take charge a lot just because I want things done my way and in my time.  But that's not how God wants things.  He wants us to sit back and take things in and have things work in His timing.  I desperately need to step back and take in what my hubby says and what he wants at times.  Now I am not saying that I am going to be a doormat and have him be the sole decision maker, but I want us to walk side by side through this life making those decisions together.  I am going to let him lead more, but I will also help guide the way.  We will do it together because that's how it's supposed to be in a marriage!

This morning really spoke to me too.  I was just sitting there feeling totally defeated.  I felt like I was going crazy...tears flowing again.  My mind wouldn't shut off and I was snapping at the kids.  I hate when I take it out on them.  But I did.  Which reminds me I need to talk to them and ask for forgiveness because they really didn't deserve it.  I was just defeated... completely and totally depleted.  I opened up my Bible App to go to the reading plan for the GMG's study.  And one thing they mentioned and that really popped out to me was this: "All satan did was tell Eve lies and she became a believer of those lies." All he has to do is whisper in our ear... tell us lie after lie until we eventually believe it.  And then once we believe those lies we will go to those closest to us and make them believe the lies.  The master of manipulation at his best.  In marriage, manipulation should be thrown out the window.  We need to shower each other in love and build each other up... especially when we are at our weakest.   We need to be encouraging to our spouse not the opposite.

When doing the GMG studies they use a SOAP outline. (Scripture, Observation, Application, and Prayer).  I love it.  It really helps me to dive into the scripture and get the most out of it.  I wanted to share my prayer that I wrote out from today because I feel like satan is doing a number on a lot of people not just me, and everyone just believes it because he thrives in the chaos and the lies and it feels "normal".  So here's my prayer:

Lord, when my hubby is gone, satan is right there.  He is whispering in my ear.  SHOUTING in my ear and it is so, so hard to hear anything else.  Help me, Lord, to silence satan's voice and shake his hold on me so I can focus on what needs to be fixed... what is truth!  With satan yelling at me he is causing unneeded chaos and I am so very tired of the chaos that he brings.  Help me to tune him out so that the lies no longer hide the truth.  The truth that I love my hubby more than my desire to believe the lies. -Amen-

I just want to encourage all of us... if you feel like you are at the end of your rope and you are drowning from all the shouting that satan is doing... God is there with a life line.  He is holding out his hand, just waiting for you to turn away from the chaos.  God is so much bigger than anything we will ever face here on earth.  I know that sometimes that is hard to believe because we can only see what is right in front of us.  But we have to trust that God's got this.  I struggle with turning away from the chaos daily, but it is just something that I have to do.  Chaos is literally all around me, but I just have to stay on that path set out for me.  I have to do my best to tune out all the noise, and grab hold of Jesus and follow Him.

Intentionally Focused - The Mind

I mentioned before that I am doing the Intentionally Focused study from Good Morning Girls.  It has been really good, and pretty much right on for what I have been needing to hear.  I just finished up week 3 which was about the mind.  

The memory verse was Philippians 4:8 "...always think about what is true.  Think about what is noble, right, and pure.  Think about what is lovely and worthy of respect.  If anything is excellent or worthy of praise, think about those things."  (NIrV)

This really hit me today when I read it.  I love the question in the study that went along with this verse. It said, "Philippians 4:8 is a great filter system for our mind. (We use our mind to filter what our mouth says, but do we actually have a filter for our thoughts?  Not usually...) Each time a thought pops into our head, we can run it through the characteristics mentioned in this verse.  If it doesn't filter through one of these areas - it needs to leave our mind.  In which area of your thinking do your thoughts often get stuck?  Stop and pray, asking God for help to focus your mind on the things He calls us to." (I added the italics).

My mind constantly thinks about worries, about the what if's or why's.  My mind rarely thinks about what is true, what is praiseworthy, what is lovely.  I'd about 75% of the time I am thinking about all the opposite things.  Some days I just wish that I could flip a switch and all of the sudden just see everything clearer because it is absolutely exhausting.  I need to think of the promises that God has given to me. My thoughts tend to get stuck on the lies.  So, I need to start at the beginning.  "Always think about what is true..."  I need to breathe that verse into my life.  When I feel like there is something I am thinking about that may not pass, I need to throw it out.  But how do I do that?  I pray, I give it to God, and I pray some more.  I talk to my hubby, a trusted friend letting them know that I am struggling with untruths.  

I am challenging myself to focus on what is true.  If that means that I write Phil 4:8 and plaster it all over my house, then that is what i will do until it is written on my heart!  I need to start each day with the promise that the Lord won't leave me... cracking open my Bible (or Bible App - whichever is handy) and just soaking in what He has to tell me.  Starting the day off in truth is better than the latter...Feeling defeated before the day even begins.  I should really start my days like this...

 

And then once this prayer has been said... this is what I want...

I want to be feared by the things that are not from God.  I want them to know that I will no longer believe the lies that I am not good enough, or that I am failing at being a wife and mother, or that I should always question certain things that I know deep down are not true.  I need to recognize when I am not at peace that is when the devil is whispering in my ear trying to wreck my faith, my trust, my love.  I need my mind to be set on God and filled with peace.  It's all about control.  Who do I want at the drivers seat?  Do I want to be at the drivers seat and go in my own direction?  Do I want the devil at the drivers seat, showing me all the things that take me farther away from God?  Or do I want God to be in the drivers seat?  I will pick God.  He is the only one who can truly give me the joy and peace that my mind craves.

So, where is it that your mind gets stuck?  Is it believing the lies that are whispered everywhere?  It is hard to think about the blessings of life?  It is hard to think about things that are worthy of respect?  Whatever it is that causes you to be stuck, I challenge you to put a game plan together and put it into action.  It's time to overcome what leaves us feeling stuck and hopeless and cling to who gives us hope and peace.

 

 

Breathing in His Promises...

I think in today's day and age it is so easy for us to rush, rush, rush without a second thought about it.  We feel like we have these unattainable lists that need to get checked off and the faster that we can get through it the faster we'll be done.  But in reality that is a lie, because as soon as we check one thing off five more things are added to the bottom of the list!  God does not want us to be rushing through this life.  When we rush, we miss out on so much.  We miss out on the promises that He has for us, we miss out on our family, our kids, our LIFE!  It's time to stop and breathe in His promises.

This morning I was "mommy monster" as I was trying to get things ready for breakfast, and didn't want anyone getting in my way.  My daughter wanted me to make French Toast Muffins, my son didn't want those (even though he loves them)... and I was getting really frustrated.  I have a headache from kids being awake last night and just not sleeping well in general.  So instead of breathing Him in to calm me down I just went straight to "mommy monster".  I quickly realized this is NOT how I wanted my day to go so after the muffins were in the oven, I took my cup of coffee and went straight to the rocking chair in the living room to start my day over.  I started over with God.  I breathed Him in.  My attitude changed, and was calm and refocused.

Proverbs 3:5, 6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart.  Do not depend on your own understanding.  In all your ways remember him.  Then he will make your paths smooth and straight."

We are not meant to face this life alone. We are not meant to live according to our check lists.  We are supposed to go through life trusting that God has our back.  Trusting that He is in the drivers seat.  Granted, not everything is smooth and straight every moment of every day...it's ok when there are days that our check list collect dust.  Knowing that I have God in my corner is enough to let me ride out the bumps, and tackle that list another time.  Once we have tasted the goodness of God, how can we leave that?  His promises and grace are more that I can fathom, and I would be terrified to live a life without holding Him near.  

Yes, storms will rise. The path won't always be peachy keen, but God has us through it all.  We just need to lean into him and find our rest.  The Lord rejoices when we rejoice and weeps when we weep.  But through it all, He's got you.  

Breathe Him in daily.

A whisper or a yell...

There are so many times that we wonder... is this where the Lord wants me to go?  I wish that he would just send me a sign, yell in my face, do SOMETHING... Most of the time it's a gentle prompting, and quiet whisper to your soul, not loud and in your face.  I tend to feel those gentle promptings and then ignore them because they make me uncomfortable or I just don't want to think of what would happen if I followed through on that prompting.  And then usually if it's something that the Lord really wants me to do... it gets louder and louder and louder until He is yelling in my face.

I had one of these experiences this weekend at church.  We were sitting in "big church" getting ready to listen to the sermon.  And the first quote the pastor say was "You have no idea what hangs in the balance with a simple decision."  Hmm.. And then a little later he says, "A simple step can have a profound ripple effect."  A little more "hmm's" and shifting in our seats.  And the crowning achievement, I was eating a dove chocolate candy and the quote on the wrapper was "Big risks, Big rewards"!  Seriously?!  What is going on?  What is the Lord preparing me for?  A big decision obviously... I guess it's my time to take that first step of faith and see what it's all about...

I love the quote above "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."  When do we ever see the whole staircase?  Like NEVER! We are always taking steps of faith.  When you get married...you are taking a step of faith that this is the right person, when you have kids, when you moves jobs or states... everything is a step of faith.  There are unknowns all around, but the only solid constant is the staircase... God.  He is the only constant in our lives.  The one person that will be there to help pick up the pieces of a storm or rejoice with us in the good times.

So what is it that God is calling you to?  Do you have a staircase that you have been standing at the bottom of just too afraid to take that first step?  I encourage you to take the risk and see the reward that comes from it!  You won't be disappointed.

"Intentionally Focused"

I am doing the Good Morning Girls study "Intentionally Focused" with my Bible Study ladies!  I have only completed the first week of it, but it is honestly everything I have need to hear!  My life at times gets so focused on all the unnecessary things... you know Facebook, pinterest, making cleaning a priority over spending time with my kiddos, just putting the TV on because it's convenient... And I miss out on so much because I am not intentionally focused on what is important.  I can make up tons of excuses as to why I do what I do, but none of it really matters, because that's what they are... excuses.  Excuses to check out when life gets to be just too much to handle.  So with this Bible Study I am really wanting things to change... I am all talk a lot of the time and lack the follow through.  But I know that I can do this!

So the goals that I have decided on after this first week are...

1. Realize that the time I do have with my kids is short.  This life we live is short.  It is but a breath in the eyes of the Lord and that is something we so easily take for granted.  We live in what we can see and feel, and forget that we are living for something bigger and better.  I need to live in the moment and breathe it in because it will be gone before I know it!

2. I need to not spend so much time with the unimportant.  This goes along with number one.  But I get really stressed when things are not in order. When things are not in order I end up focusing on that instead of what my kids are doing or saying to me.  I feel as I am writing this that I am the worst mom ever!  But I know I am not alone.  We all get lost in the unimportant and we have to realize when we are and switch that up.  There needs to be a slotted time for me to focus on the unimportant, and it shouldn't be when my kids need me.

3. I have deleted all the apps on my phone that take my attention away from my kids and husband.  My phone does not rule my life, and I need to realize that.

4. Hebrew 12:2 "Let us look only to Jesus, the One who began our faith and who makes it perfect..." I am going to focus fully on the Lord when I am overwhelmed.  I am going to turn to the Word to give me peace instead of turning to anything else that give me a false hope or a false sense of peace.  The main one being food. When I am feeling like I can't take another step forward I need to rest in the promise that God will pull me along when I no longer have the strength.

5. I need to go back to giving thanks in everything.  I highly recommend One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp to start your journey in recording your blessing in each day.  By giving thanks and writing it down it will help to change your perspective on life and will help you to live a happier and healthier life.

6. Finally, I need to realize that God is not done with me.  He will never be done with me.  He will always be tweaking me into who He wants me to be. Philippians 3:12 "I do not mean that I am already as God wants me to be.  I have not yet reached that goal, but I continue trying to reach it and to make it mine. Christ wants me to do that, which is the reason he made me his." (NCV) I need to stay focused on that fact. God made me in his image and I need to continue to strive for that.

I trust fully that the Lord will give me the strength to do all of this.  And I am looking forward to this journey of learning how to be Intentionally Focused on him and all that matters.

So, what are some things that you need to change in order to be Intentionally Focused on the race the Lord has set before us?

Forever

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nm7zcgcUoyg

Easter is right around the corner now. Tomorrow is Good Friday and this year more than ever I am wanting my kids to realize the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. He came to this earth to live, to love, and to die... all for me... all for them... all for everyone who has ever lived and will live! It's almost impossible to wrap my mind around that God loves me so much that He would send His Son to die for me, a sinner. A person that is so unworthy of His grace and forgiveness. Jesus loved ME so much that he gave up his life for me. I would do anything for my kids and Jesus loves me even more. He took my sin with Him to the cross and held it there for me, for my kids. I need to give my kids that kind of grace for all the mistakes they make. They are imperfect beings and I tend to forget that more often than not. I have such high expectations for what I want them to strive for and when they don't meet those I get discouraged and criticize them. I have been reminded lately about how many times I mess up... and with things that you think I should learn from. But instead of being criticized for messing up YET AGAIN, my God gives me a "do over". I want my kids to see that from me. I am giving them a "do over" because daily God gives me a "do over". I am so far from who I am supposed to be but I will strive to be that person every day. I will strive to teach my children how to become that person that Jesus wants them to be. He made the ultimate sacrifice of love, and I want them to live in that truth every day!

Kari Jobe is one of my ultimate favorite singer/songwriters. She just came out with a new CD and has a song titled "Forever" on it. It gives me chills when I listen to it, and reminds me of what Jesus did for me. I hope you enjoy the song as much as I do.

A right start

I find that when I start my day with a good strong cup of coffee, a nice warm shower, and being able to have a few minutes to myself to read The Word the rest of my day goes so much smoother, and I go to bed feeling content with the day. I feel more patient and able to handle the chaos that will more than likely ensue in the hours to come. Now, on the flip side... When I start my day off with a nice strong cup of coffee and a hot shower and that's it I feel more out of control and unwilling to deal with anything that comes my way. And I go to bed feeling defeated and frustrated with the day. I have the "mom guilt"... I could've done so much better!

I was reading in Mark... even Jesus needed to get away. My side notes say:

"No one would have thought any less of Jesus if he had just slept in the next morning, but instead we find him up early, meeting his Father in prayer. Jesus prays in the morning while his spirit is still fresh from sleep and unencumbered with the cares of his day. While others snore, his soul soars in communication with God. Jesus shows us the importance of giving our first and our best to God. Jesus prays alone, in a quiet and 'solitary' place (Mark 1:35). He knows the importance of limiting distractions in order to spend time with his Father." -- The Women of Faith Study Bible--

Jesus needed to recenter himself by being alone with his Father. Why are there days that I think I don't need to be re-centered? Why do I feel like I can do it all on my own? Jesus needs to be my focus at the start of every single day. I can only live for Him when I am focused on him! My kids can then see that I am devoted to my Father above... Seeking him before anything else. Once I have started my day with my Father I then need to teach my kids to start their day the same way. One of the biggest reasons that we wanted to homeschool was to teach our children about the love of God and about who He is. As their mom and teacher I need to be more proactive about that. I need to be able to understand the Word so I can correctly teach, speak the Word into my kids. I need them to see that my Jesus is more than just a passing thought. He is my life. Now I know that I will not know everything exactly as I should, but Jesus has called us to something higher than just getting through the daily check list of school work and household chores... He wants us to live our lives for him and learn about who He is and who He wants us to be! When we are intentional with him and doing His will... He will pour out blessings on us. I want my kids to see and feel that!

At the end of the day all I really want to hear is "You are my Son, daughter, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." (Mark 1:11 - italics are my adding) I just want to go to bed at the end of the day feeling like I did everything to the best of my ability instead of going to bed feeling guilty and defeated.

Cleanliness

I ended up getting a horrible head cold over the weekend and have been trying to function this whole week.  The weather has been super nice so I sent the kids outside to play in the snow and make the most of it before this big storm comes through!  As I was driving my kids home from Awana last night a thought hit me...

When you are sick there really isn't much that you want to do.  All I really wanna do is sit on the couch and sleep and not move.  Which is impossible as I have 3 little ones depending on me.  So I just shuffle through the day... attempting to find food for the kids to eat, trying to get school done, and putting absolutely no effort into the laundry mountain!  Yesterday I was starting to feel a little bit better and looked at the state of my house and was in shock.  My house was a disaster.  Dishes were all over the kitchen, the kids area downstairs had like 5 spots where I could actually see the carpet, the living room had puzzles thrown all over the floor, the laundry mountain was taller than me, and my sons room had all the books from his book shelf thrown everywhere.  It's so crazy how just 2 or 3 days of living in a fog can make your home a disaster! (So today will be clean up day, since we aren't gonna go anywhere with this snow storm coming through!)

Anyway, back to my thought... after thinking about the state of my house I was thinking about how that applies to our spiritual lives too.  It's so easy for us to sometimes just give up and live the way the world thinks is best.  It's easy, it's convenient, and we are surrounded by it.  The scales grow thicker and thicker the longer we lay complacent in our everyday life.  We say "well this is just how it is now" or "everyone else is doing it and they seem to be getting along just fine"  And then before we know it we are living a life that we don't even recognize.  I was living that about 3 or 4 years ago.  I was buried in diapers, spit up, and a growing bitterness and I was just trying to make it on my own.  The scales that were built up on my eyes were so thick no wonder I couldn't see straight. It wasn't until about 3 month ago that the final scale was lifted from my eyes and I saw that I had been living in pure chaos.  Not the way that God wanted me to live.  Yes, He wants me to live in the here and now, but thats's so I can raise my kids (His kids) in a Godly house... in a home where they know they are safe and loved and forgiven no matter what!  Not in a place where we conform to make life easier and snap at a mistake or spilled milk.  No one said that loving our Father above was going to make life easy...just like no one said that being a parent would be easy. He brings storms to our life to make us stronger, not weaker.  He brings the storms to our life to snap us out of the disaster and to cleanse our souls from the muck and mire of life.

It's so easy to blame God for the mess that our lives are in. "If God is a loving God why would he bring me to xyz...??"  God brings us to "XYZ" to test us.  We don't learn anything if we aren't tested.  We have choices... we can choose the path to follow God through the storm or we can choose to go off course.  If we chose the path that took us off course God never left us, He didn't turn his back to us and say "Good luck with that!" He went down that path with us, trying to grab us and show us that there was a better way.  No matter the choices we made God has always and will always be there.  God finally got a hold of me, and for that I am truly grateful.  He is showing me that living in Him, trusting in Him, having faith in Him is so much better than me trying to wade through the muck that I had been living in.  I can breathe and enjoy life and not feel bogged down.

It will be a constant fight to stay on the path that God has for me because I know how easy it is to slip off track.  But this is a battle that I am willing to fight everyday of my life!  Now, if I could only put that towards cleaning my house.... ;-)

A Worshipful Heart

Ever have a song that you find and then it's on repeat like literally all day long?  That seems to happen to me a lot.  Thankfully my kids love music just about as much as I do and they are very forgiving when we listen to the same song over and over and over again :)

God made us to love everything that he created us to be.  Whether it is loving nature, loving books, loving music... I feel as followers of Christ we need to use those passions to bring ourselves closer to Him and to help lead others to know how precious He is.  Music is and always has been my biggest passion.  I joke with my hubby that I was a singer in another life ;) Music has always healed my soul.  You could always tell what mood I was in by what music I listened to.  Now what constantly plays around my house is praise music... Hillsong United, Kari Jobe, David Crowder, Christy Nockles, Big Daddy Weave... Oh the list goes on and on!  One song in particular that has been speaking to my soul is Be Still My Soul (In You I Rest) by Kari Jobe.  I'm really not sure how many times I have listened to it recently, but I'm sure it's a crazy number! 

I have always treasured this song.  "Be still, my soul, the Lord is on thy side..."  God is on my side.  God is with me on the rocky path and the calm waters.  He is with me when I feel like I am drowning in anxiety or the unknowns.  He is with me when I am feeling like I can conquer the world.  I drink him in and my soul is still.  My soul is at rest.  My soul is at peace.  I love the words of the chorus "In you I rest, in You I found my hope  In you I trust, You never let me go  I place my life within your hands alone  Be still, my soul"

I posted a link to the video below.  I wanted to put the actual video on my blog but I'm still learning how to use wordpress. :) I apologize for any commercial that comes on before her video.  But I hope this song leaves you with a peace and a growing love for our Heavenly Father that only He can give to us!

Be Still My Soul - Kari Jobe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mq59iE3MhXM

 

Homeschool Journey

If you were to ask me when my hubby and I first got married where we would be 8 years into our marriage... I doubt my answer would be that I was homeschooling 3 kids and my hubby worked and traveled for his job. The answer may have looked more like I would be a preschool or kindergarten teacher somewhere while my hubby was either a pastor, youth pastor, or in the camp ministry. I was bound and determined to not be a homeschooler. My kids would do just fine in public school. But as life moved, our hearts started to change. The Lord started to work. He would introduce us to other homeschooling families. Some of our closest friends would also decide to homeschool their kids. We were invited to join a co-op with a waiting list that is super long. Everything just fell into place. God was directing our journey and we were following His lead. I am able to USE my degree from college. Granted I am not standing in a classroom teaching 30 kids, but I am teaching 3 of the most important kids in my life. I am able to teach them skills that they wouldn't learn if they were in school all day long.

Looking at where we are right now I honestly, 100% cannot imagine doing anything else. My oldest is in 1st grade, my 2nd is in kindergarten, and my 3rd is on and off doing preschool. He would much rather bug his sisters while they do school or run around the house with his trucks or as Superman. All of which are fine as long as everyone stays safe, healthy, and happy and not get a super bloody nose because they tripped over a toy and hit their nose on the steps...;-) My hubby and I love watching the kids learn and grow and see their individual personalities emerge. I can't imagine my first in school as she needs to move and be vocal while she is learning. She likes to have noise going when she is doing school. My second needs a lot more one on one interaction with her school work. She likes to know that I am right there to answer questions anytime she has one or to just cuddle with while she is reading a new book. My boy...we haven't figured him out yet. And that is fine he is only 4! It's more important right now for him to play and imagine and be a boy. It's so important for all my kids to do that. Their purpose is to not sit in a desk and learn to perform. Their purpose is learn, to grow, to use their creativity and imaginations, to laugh, to be OK not always getting it right the first time, to love their Heavenly Father with a passion that only comes from Him. ( and I'm not saying they can't do any of that in a public school, but this is how it works for our family).

My challenge with homeschooling is to continually seek the Lord's wisdom and then to be obedient in leading my kids through that plan. My kids are going through a series at church about generosity and how we can help others in need. So this past weekend they were each given a piggy bank to raise money to help others. They have all been helping more around the house to earn that money. My oldest just lost her 7th tooth and she said she is going to take all of her tooth fairy money and put it in her piggy bank for church. Warms my heart to see that she wants to give that money away instead of keeping it all to herself. Makes my hubby and I feel like we are doing something right, and they are being obedient to what God wants for their lives.

Jeremiah 33:3 says, "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

Call to Jesus and he will lead us on an amazing adventure. Take us to places that we won't be able to go if it were just up to us. Now we just have to have the courage to listen and to follow. In Matthew 4:19 Jesus asks Simon and Andrew to Follow him. They didn't protest and ask questions... worry over what may or may not happen... They dropped their nets, left their boat, and immediately followed Jesus. This is how I want to raise my kids... With a faith that will take you out of the boat and be able to walk on water. Yes there may be times where we falter and start to sink, but all we have to do is reach up and grab the hand that will pull us back up. I want my hubby and I to be that kind of example to them. I want them to see that we have an unshakable faith even in the rocky times. Even when we falter and yell too much, or make poor choices like hitting or hurting someone's feelings... There is always a hand held out ready to forgive, have some encouraging words and a warm hug, and help you move forward on the journey laid out.

PS... I tried posting a cool pic with a winding path through the woods, but I couldn't get it to work :( so just imagine that I put it here ;-)