Leaving a Legacy

I just read my morning devotions from my Homeschooling Mom Bible... something really hit me and made me stop and think....

"If the story of your life was included in the Bible, how would you be remembered - as a woman who served The Lord faithfully with all your heart and soul, or as someone who did evil in the sight of The Lord?"

What would my story look like? Would it look like a mom that was striving to do things the way that The Lord designed or would I look like a mom that was just hanging on by a thread because I'm trying to do it all on my own? I am afraid of my answer because I know what it is. My answer isn't that I always go the way that has been planned out for me by my loving Heavenly Father. I usually end up going out on my own and it is a curvy path that bring me through thorns and thick weeds. I eventually end up where I was supposed to be.... But if I had just listened to The Lord's prompting I wouldn't have encountered so much trouble.

For example.... Finances... They literally get me every time. I sit there and balance the checkbook and fret about how I am supposed to buy groceries and put gas in the van on such a small amount of money? I make sure to pay all the bills first and use whatever is left over to buy food and gas. But sometimes what is left just doesn't look like enough. So then I start obsessing over it and trying to recalculate and looking for ways to cut down the list and yadda yadda yadda.... I become overwhelmed and instead of just trusting that The Lord is going to provide (as he always does) I just sit in the doom and despair that is called money. My hubby tries to talk and calm me down and remind me of all the blessings that we have because we are faithful to our Provider above but something inside just doesn't want to listen and I become someone that I don't want my kids to become. I become bitter and extremely frustrated and end up taking it out on everyone that gets in my way...

What kind of legacy is that? Trust The Lord in everything kids, but when the going looks like it's getting tough get into the drivers seat and just take over. Um, NO! It needs to be the total opposite. We need to give that control over to Him and know that we will be taken care of 100%. In my head I know and understand and see that He is providing but then it comes out totally wrong and my kids see that part. They can't see what is going on in my head. They only see my reaction to the stress. Matthew 6:31-33 is exactly what I need to live out and show my kids the faithfulness of God. "Don't worry about having enough food, drink, or clothing. Don't be like the pagans who run after all these things. Your Heavenly Father already knows all your needs and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the kingdom of God your primary concern." When I am feeling the stress and strain of financial woes (or anything else that causes stress really...) that is when I need to turn and run to God, NOT myself. It is a horrible habit that I have gotten into and one that needs to break...not only for my sake, but for the sake of my hubby and kids.

I need to live and breathe Philippians 4:12-13
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

That, my friends, is the legacy I want to leave for my kids. One that trusted mind, body, and soul in The Lord and his plan for my life and my family's life. He knows what he is doing and I really need to stop questioning that.