My Love

I am so amazed as to how much difference a week can make!  Let me explain... My hubby has been gone quite a lot this past year and it has been rough.  Lots of lonely nights at home, lots of tears shed, and a TON of anxiety.  Last week, that was the worst one of all. I don't know what came over me, but I was just in a really dark place.  Looking back on it, I shudder just thinking about how I was feeling and where I was at mentally and spiritually.  My hubby and I ended up having a terribly huge fight on Tuesday night.  I felt hopeless, and was just ready to throw in the towel to everything.  I couldn't even bear to take another step forward.  Friday... it couldn't come fast enough!  Let me tell you, it's really hard to resolve anything when you are in two separate states!  But the weekend was full of a lot of healing and reconciliation and I am so very thankful that we had the weekend to recover before he left again on Monday.

Now, this week on the other hand has been a complete 180.  As soon as my hubby left I felt the anxiety sky rocket and I immediately texted him and one of my best friends to pray for me.  That was the best decision I could've made.  This week, I am feeling confident and very much at peace with where we are in life.  It could partly be because I know right now my hubby will be home for a while after this trip is done... But more importantly it's because I changed my mindset, and I reached out to those I know would lift me up.  I looked to God for my strength, I dove into the Word, and I have tried being as encouraging and positive to my hubby as possible.

One verse that caught my attention was Romans 8:6, and it says "If people's thinking is controlled by the sinful self, there is death.  But if their thinking is controlled by the Spirit, there is life and peace."  Last week, I let my sinful self take control of my life and I seriously felt as if I was full of darkness.  It was scary and very lonely. But this week I am letting the Spirit control my thinking.  I am letting Him be in the drivers sear and I truly believe that He is the reason my week is going better.  The shouting that was happening in my ears last week, has been silenced this week!  What a blessing.

This week I decided that I was going to send my hubby little encouraging notes for him to open up each day of the week.  (I got the idea from The Time Warp Wife.)  I wanted him to know that even though he is not here with me physically he is still on my mind and I am praying for him continually.  I just want to pour positivity, love, support, scripture into him while he is gone.  It's hard enough being apart.. I don't need to make it harder by being negative and making things worse.  My hubby works hard for our little family, providing for us so I can stay home with our kids.  I get to raise them and teach them to be the best little people they can be!  So while he is away I want to be a blessing to him, and I want to reinforce to him that I love him with all that I am.  I need to go all out and pour love into him and let him know that I am here no matter what!

My goal is not to be the picture perfect Proverbs 31 wife.  Because let's be honest, that is impossible!  No one can be that!  But I want to start and to continue to strive to be as much of her as I can be.  I don't want to live in the darkness that my sinful self brings.  I want to live in the hope and the peace that only God can bring.  My goal... is to love on my hubby with all that I am.  So, I will end with my favorite part of Proverbs 31.

Proverbs 31:25-31
"She puts on strength and honor as if they were her clothes.  She can laugh at the days that are coming.  She speaks wisely.  She teaches faithfully.  She watches over family matters.  She is busy all the time. Her children stand up and call her blessed.  Her husband also rises up, and he praises her.  He says, 'Many women do noble things.  But you are better than all others.'"